We all want to live the good Scholarly Mama life. But what do we need to actually live a good Scholarly Mama life?
When you reflect on this and think about life over the last six months, what are the things that stood out for you?
What went well for you?
What were your wins and what goals and plans have you set for yourself for the next six months?
Sometimes we set big goals for ourselves and begin working towards them. But somehow when we get to the halfway mark, we experience a bit of a slump.
I know this is certainly true, even for a PhD journey! You start off and you’re very enthusiastic. You know what you’re about and what you want to achieve. Then you get halfway through and you’re like, ‘What on earth am I doing? What have I done for those first (how many ever) years? And how can I make this thing happen in the next (how many ever) years I’ve got left?’
I’ve certainly experienced that. And I’m sure many of you as well have experienced that mid-PhD crisis too! It’s like, ‘Oh my goodness, what have I done with the time that I’ve had? How can I make sure that the time I have left, is actually productive? Can I achieve the goal that I set for myself?’
So in today’s blog post, I want to talk about the key to the good Scholarly Mama life. By the way, if you would prefer to listen to this blog post as a podcast, please feel free to use the player below:
So, what’s the secret to the good Scholarly Mama life?
The good Scholarly Mama life really does have everything to do with relationships. It has nothing to do with the things that you might typically associate with a ‘good life’.
The reason these thoughts often come at this six month slump or this six month reflection point, is because it’s the time where we get to bring our challenges and our desires into our awareness. And it’s only when we do that, that we can actually make choices and decisions consciously to take us down the path of success and help us achieve those goals in the time remaining.
You are likely reading his blog post because you are likely a purposeful Scholarly Mama. For you, life is more than just titles and accolades.
Mama, you want to live a fulfilled life. You want to live the good Scholarly Mama life.
And so I just wanted, as a bit of a tone setter for this post, to emphasise the role of relationships in creating a meaningful Scholarly Mama life.
Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, which means I will earn a small commission if you purchase any items after clicking on the links included in this post at no extra cost to you. Read the full disclosure.
How can you live the good Scholarly Mama life?
This blog post is actually inspired by a book that I am currently reading called The Good Life and How to Live It, Lessons from the World’s Longest Study on Happiness by authors Robert Waldinger and Mark Schulz.
I am not finished the book as yet. I’m still reading it, but it’s, so far, one of the most powerful reads I have ever encountered.
The book is inspired by the Harvard study of adult development, which has been running for over 80 years.In fact, I think maybe over 85 years actually. In the longitudinal research studies they’ve conducted, they have been exploring what makes a fulfilling and a meaningful life? In other words, what makes a good life?
So that has been the inspiration for this blog post. It’s a hugely valuable resource. Even though I haven’t finished reading it yet, I know that this book will definitely be featured in our Scholarly Mamas book club because it’s that amazing, particularly because of its focus on the importance of relationships.
So much more than fame, more than money, more than wealth, more than achievements, more than prestige all are. What makes a good Scholarly Mama life comes down to our relationships.
Why connections matter in the good Scholarly Mama life
Let me start off by talking about the power of connections.
Connections have a huge impact on personal well-being and success as a Scholarly Mama. Connections are the building blocks for good relationships.
When I think back to my own halfway PhD slump, feeling like all I wanted to do was give up on my PhD, I couldn’t see a way through it. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, that the single most impactful thing that got me through that midway slump, was actually the relationships that I’d established.
Love relationships
First of all, my relationship with my husband, who was my biggest cheerleader. He was such a source of encouragement. I’ve cried so many tears on his shoulders over this PhD, when I just wanted to just give up. And he was always there to listen, to encourage me, to pray for me, and to share words of encouragement. I think that was so fundamental to me being able to see my PhD through.
Relationships with extended family and friends
And then there’s my relationships with my family and friends who also were sources of encouragement, listening to me vent about this big monster called my PhD for so many years and constantly reminding me of what I was capable of, what I could do by just listening and being there.
It comes down to the relationships.
Mentorship
And then were also the relationships with mentors I’ve had, which I mentioned in another post. Mentors who were literally lifelines for me (at least in my opinion). There were lifelines for me throughout my PhD. They were there to share tips for how to manage certain struggles, how to overcome them, how to improve on certain things. My mentors were instrumental in helping me to get over the perfectionism mindset and to embrace all the lessons I was learning from my journey. They helped me to just go for things, rather than delaying, overthinking and trying to be perfect.
When I reflect on the benefits and power of those connections, I would not have been able to complete my PhD without them.
That’s just the bottom line.
There’s no way that I would have done it because I am not an island. There’s no way that I would have been able to do my PhD journey on my own.
There is so much power in connections.
The power of relationships in the good Scholarly Mama life
In the book The Good Life, there is a lot of discussion around the research evidence, qualitative data, and also some of the quantitative data with correlations between those social connections and their relationship with happiness, resilience, and overall life satisfaction.
It’s powerful.
The stories that I’ve been hearing in that book (so far) have been so powerful. It’s been so motivating to know that it’s not just about money or fame. It’s not about wealth, academic achievements or prestige. Rather, when you invest in building and nurturing meaningful relationships, that can give you a competitive advantage in whatever other journeys you are pursuing.
I think that is probably the key message I’m taking home from the book.
I also wanted to talk about the transformative power of meaningful relationships, particularly in the Scholarly Mama journey. I’ve talked about the relationships with mentors. As a Scholarly Mama doing a PhD, you may struggle to find people to relate to in real life. That’s where those meaningful connections with people who understand what you’re doing, who get it, and who can encourage you on that journey, really come in.
That is where the power really lies, because they are so rare. Yes, these connections are indeed rare sometimes. And of course, your loved ones may be there to listen and encourage you. The joy that comes from your relationships with your spouse or partner, your kids, your friends and extended family, is immeasurable. Those relationships remain powerful.
Helpful peripheral relationships can also enhance the good Scholarly Mama life
But there’s another type of relationship that I think is so important, particularly for Scholarly Mamas. It’s relating to people who understand the journey that you’re on. Those who understand what it means to do a PhD with kids. People who understand the priorities that you have and how they may be different from people who don’t have kids and are doing PhDs, or people who are parents but they’re not doing PhDs. Just finding people who can really relate and understand this juggle-struggle that we are on? I think there’s so much power in that. It gives you the feeling of belonging, like you’re part of something that is making a difference in your life.
I created the space I knew was so desperately needed
That’s why I started Scholarly Mamas, which is our community for Mamas who are doing advanced degrees such as PhDs. The whole idea is that I want to bring together Mamas who are on this journey. I want to help you to transform this juggle-struggle into purposeful journeys of becoming, because I believe that it is possible to reach your life and academic goals without sacrificing what matters to you. In other words, without putting life on hold for your PhD.
This is a very different concept. It’s a very different way of thinking about this journey. Yet, this is the way I have done it. Take what you will from that, but this is the way that has worked for me so I really am so excited to be able to share some of that with you, and for you to interact and connect with each other.
So if you’re interested in joining Scholarly Mamas, make sure you’re on the waitlist. If you hop on our waitlist, you will get all the inside scoop about when we are open for enrolment. So make sure you hop on to that waitlist and secure your spot inside of Scholarly Mamas.
I cannot wait to welcome you!
How academic and social relationships can support the good Scholarly Mama life
So let’s now talk about cultivating relationships in academia.
Scholarly Mamas face unique challenges in building and maintaining relationships within the academic sphere. One of the main reasons for this is because there’s a lot of activities that happen within academia and a lot of unspoken rules of success within academia that are difficult for Mamas who are also trying to navigate the journeys of motherhood and marriage life and other aspects of their lives outside of their PhDs.
It’s very difficult for them to have the same access to some of those opportunities.
And not just access to opportunities, but also access to be able to build those meaningful relationships. Of course, we’ve had the pandemic and that has separated people even more. There’s a lot more people now doing remote learning and remote PhDs. And while that’s great for Scholarly Mamas, it adds another dimension to the barriers to building meaningful relationships.
The power and potential of a meaningful community
Despite the rise of remote PhDs, we can use technology in 2023 and beyond to still bring together meaningful communities.
We’re doing that with Scholarly Mamas.
So, now let’s discuss the importance of building a supportive network of mentors, peers, collaborators, and how we can use those networks to foster growth and overcome obstacles.
Like I said earlier, one of the main reasons I am creating Scholarly Mamas is to create that supportive network of Mamas who are doing PhDs. I believe that together, within a community like ours, we can overcome these obstacles. We can grow together, share our experiences and learn from one another. If someone has an experience and you’ve not experienced that as yet, you can learn hear their experience, so that when you come to experience that yourself, you feel empowered to tackle and overcome that challenge.
It’s one way that we can share practical tips and strategies for overcoming some of these barriers, but also doing so through nurturing relationships, despite having busy schedules and competing demands. We are being intentional about nurturing relationships with other Scholarly Mamas which could be of personal benefit to us. Furthermore, we are contributing and having an impact in our lives and the worlds of other Scholarly Mamas.
A delicate blend
Of course, there are other benefits to being a member of Scholarly Mamas. These include individual teachings and opportunities within the community, but at its core is really understanding the value of establishing meaningful and supportive relationships with other Scholarly Mamas.
So, we’re going to talk a little bit now about balancing personal and professional relationships.
There is a delicate balance between personal and professional relationships for Scholarly Mamas. You’ve got your family relationships i.e. your relationships with your husband or a partner, your kids or your extended family. Those relationships have such a huge role in our lives. How we see the world, how we navigate the, the obstacles that we overcome. It makes such a difference to have a loving and supportive family behind you.
But there’s also a space I think for more peripheral relationships that are also equally meaningful and impactful. That’s where our Scholarly Mamas community comes in. It’s literally a platform where we can interact deeply with each other. This is not another Facebook group where you just read posts and comment on posts. This is actually building a real community where we can connect deeply, we can get to know each other, we can establish and nurture very meaningful relationships with each other.
So there definitely is a role for those peripheral or professional relationships along our Scholarly Mama journey. Of course, like I mentioned earlier, mentorship and having the support of other Scholarly Mamas who are just a little bit further along on the journey than you may be.
Good communication, healthy boundaries and prioritising quality time with loved ones
I wanted to talk about the importance of open communication, setting boundaries, and prioritising quality time with loved ones. You may have professional relationships within your academic circle. You may have a supervisor, mentors or you may have colleagues that you have established some kind of working relationship with.
But it’s so important to recognise the role that those particular relationships may play in your Scholarly Mama journey. And also it emphasises the need for different kinds of relationships in our lives.
Communicating our boundaries
It’s important to communicate our needs, to advocate for ourselves, to set boundaries and say, ‘You know what? I am actually not going to be checking my email on weekends because this is family time. I’m going to prioritise my family relationships during that time.’ Or ‘I’m going to prioritise the relationship I have with myself and take some time to look after my wellbeing, rest and take some time to reflect beyond thinking about my PhD’.
There’s so much value in feeling empowered to do that, to say, ‘Actually, this time I am setting aside for my family or I am setting aside for myself and doing that without guilt’. It is absolutely critical in your Scholarly Mama journey to be able to compartmentalise these relationships. Naturally then, when you have nurtured relationships along your journey of being a Scholarly Mama, there is actually a ripple effect of the impact of those relationships.
Ripple effects of the good Scholarly Mama life
Nurturing relationships can positively impact not only your Scholarly Mama life, but also your research life, your career, your broader impact on society. This is the part that people overlook because we are so used to thinking in narrow academic bubble terms. We forget that we are whole Mamas, whole humans, whole beings. We are members of a society and members of communities. When we thrive in one area of our lives, there will be a ripple effect on other aspects of our lives as well. So, if we can develop and establish nurturing, meaningful, fulfilling relationships, then that, and as you will see from the book The Good Life, that spills into all other aspects of our lives.
Holistic living
And this is why it is so important to nurture these relationships. This is why it’s so important to take a step back sometimes from the PhD grind, and actually reflect on, ‘What meaningful relationships do I have? How can I establish relationships that will uplift me and build me up and not pull me down? How can I ensure that I invest in those relationships so that I can thrive in a holistic sense? So that I can thrive in other aspects of my life?’
Of course, within our Scholarly Mama community, there will be the potential for interdisciplinary insights and collective growth through meaningful connections. There will even be the potential for collaborations.
Now, if that doesn’t scream holistic, I don’t know what does!
This is where we can really tap into the power that we each have. Bringing that together and using it as a tool and as a spark to ignite purposeful holistic growth for ourselves as individuals, and then observe that ripple effect.
A supportive community: Scholarly Mamas
So that leads me nicely on to talking about joining our purposeful Scholarly Mamas community. This is an opportunity for you to seek support. A chance for you to establish those powerful connections and for you to make a commitment to your own growth and invest in your own growth.
Obviously there will be opportunities for networking, mentorship and sharing experiences. within the community, but now is such a good time to jump on the wait list and get into the Scholarly Mamas collective because we can begin to grow from the ground up!
Meaningful relationships take time to establish. The opportunity to be part of something bigger than yourself and part of something that will have hopefully an impact on the lives of Scholarly Mamas all around the world, doesn’t come around often.
You want to be a part of Scholarly Mamas.
You want to be one of the first Scholarly Mamas inside our community. Together we are going to do so many amazing things!
I cannot wait to welcome you inside of Scholarly Mamas!
Conclusion
In this blog post, we started off talking about that halfway slump we all experience from time to time, when we are all perhaps reflecting on, ‘How did I spend the first six months and how do I want to change the next six months? And how can I change and fix this halfway slump that I’m feeling?’
That’s also true for a PhD journeys as well. If you happen to be at that midpoint in your PhD and you’re feeling like, ‘Oh my goodness, how am I going to make this happen?’ then this is a good time to stop, pause and reflect on how you can do things differently.
Plugging the gaps
What’s missing?
What do you need to help you get over that midway slump?
We talked about the power of connections and how those connections and relationships are actually the secret to the good Scholarly Mama life according to the book The Good Life by Robert Wellinger and Mark Schulz. We explored the importance of nurturing relationships in academia and the power of those relationships in helping us to achieve our goals.
Then, we also explored balancing personal and professional relationships and also the key importance of peripheral relationships with other Scholarly Mamas to help us along our journey. Also having really strict boundaries between our personal and our professional relationships to make sure that we are prioritising what really matters to us.
And then we finished up by talking about the ripple effect of relationships and how, by nurturing and fostering meaningful relationships in one area of our lives can then impact other areas of our lives, by having a ripple effect.
More than a PhD
I wanted to remind you Mama, that the good Scholarly Mama life goes beyond academic achievement. It speaks strongly to nurturing relationships because that’s essential for long term success and happiness. So, I just wanted to now thank you for stopping by this blog post. I hope you found this post helpful and I encourage you to explore the book The Good Life.
It will also be on my bookshelf very soon as well.
I hope that as you reflect on how you want to finish, either the second half of your PhD or, or the rest of this year that you would consider the importance of relationships in helping you to do that. If you want to finish strong, if you want to finish happy, then consider whether getting on the Scholarly Mamas waitlist could be one way of helping you do that.
We’d love to be a part of your journey as well. And so, as we finish up, I’m just sending you lots of love and gratitude until next time.
Remember Mama, these are our journeys of becoming!
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