Ever felt like no matter what you do, you can’t seem to switch off from your PhD?
On my Instagram recently, I asked some of you lovely Mamas, whether you have trouble switching off from your PhD. I asked whether your PhD is constantly on your mind, preventing you from being able to enjoy family time.
The results were shocking!
The vast majority of you indicated that you struggle to fully switch off from your PhD!
And so I thought I’d share a few tips on how I have learned to switch off from my PhD.
By the way, if you’d rater listen to this blog post as a podcast, please feel free to use the player below:
All change please!
There were times during my PhD that I didn’t even recognise myself! I was buried so deep in the PhD trenches, that it all felt really, really heavy. And yet, as heavy as it was, I would carry that load around with me everywhere.
It was constantly on my mind.
And there were times where I was present in the flesh, but not in the spirit. My mind was consumed with all things PhD, and all the things I needed to do and get done.
I knew that in those moments something absolutely had to change. To be honest, I am so glad that they did.
In this blog post, I wanted to share my top tips for switching off from your PhD so that you can be fully present and actually enjoy family activities.
Let me share a short story with you.
We recently went to a local park, as it was a beautiful day out. There were lots of activities: ice cream, a little train, a play park, and a lake where people could sail on boats and stuff. But it was lovely with lots of open space to run around and just enjoy the outdoors. So we took our picnic blanket with snacks and drinks and we just pitched ourselves, sat together and enjoyed the time out. The boys ate their snacks and ran around, while Kevin (my husband) and I just sat, watched them and chatted.
You can switch off from your PhD, even with a long to-do list
And this made me realise that these are the moments that I cherish the most. Moments where I could be fully present.
And it’s not because I don’t have a lot to think about. I do have my viva (at the time of recording this) in just four weeks!
So there is a lot on my mind. I’ve got other things going on with Mrs Mummy PhD and Scholarly Mamas and all that stuff.
There’s a lot to think about and a lot to do.
But, now after being through those dark times where I felt present in the flesh and not in the spirit, I’ve learned how to park these things and fully enjoy and engage in activities with Kevin (my husband) and the boys. I have learned the importance of being fully present and switching off from my PhD.
And that’s exactly what I want to share in this post. I want to give you my top tips for how to switch off from your PhD and fully enjoy and engage in family activities.
1. Manage your energy so you can switch off from your PhD
Okay, so the first tip is to pay attention to your energy levels. Be sure to get plenty of rest and sufficient sleep because a tired Mama is not a joyful Mama.
You cannot give your full attention to any activities with your family in that state.
If you are tired, if your mind is tired, if you’ve got too much on the mind and you’re carrying around that heavy load on a tired brain, it just doesn’t work.
You need to make sure that you’re getting plenty of sleep. Plenty of rest is essential so that you can think straight, fully be present and engage. Most importantly, it’s so that you aren’t missing out on the opportunity to build memories with the people that you love.
Many of us have had so many times where we have been so tired.
Have you ever noticed how when you’re really, really tired, how you’re more easily distracted, unable to focus, more irritable, and just snappy at everything?
That is not a joyful Mama, that’s a tired Mama.
The first thing you need to do before you even think about family activities or pouring into being present in family activities, is to check in with and look after yourself.
You need to get plenty of rest. Make sure that you are obviously hydrated and all those things, but most importantly, be rested.
By the way, rest doesn’t necessarily mean sleep, but sleep is a good place to start. So make sure that you’re getting plenty of sleep and resting from your PhD pressures, lists and activities.
Sleep is a definitely good place to start.
2. Being intentional helps you switch off from your PhD
The second tip is to be intentional about family time by scheduling activities. This way, there’s no temptation to skip family time or feel conflicted.
So what does it mean to be intentional about family time?
For me, being intentional about family time means scheduling activities. Literally putting them on my calendar and blocking out time on my calendar for family activities.
Now, at the beginning of this month, I made a schedule as I normally do for how I was going to spend the month, as the kids are on school holidays. As I mentioned, I’ve got a lot of other things going on. These include preparing for my viva and other activities, tasks and work that I need to get on with.
So I sat down with my calendar and I literally blocked out days for family activities. And on those days, I don’t do anything other than those family activities.
My son had no idea I was doing a PhD!
I was having a chat with someone recently. I was sharing with them that my eldest son, who is going to be 13 soon, for a long time (though he’s old enough now that he can understand what PhD is and what I’m doing), he didn’t even know that I was doing a PhD!
And for me, that’s testament of the fact that I was able to be present. I was able to really enjoy the times that we spent together as a family without the burden of this PhD following me around. So the fact that he (my eldest son) didn’t even know that I was doing something like this, is testament that I was able to be so engaged with him that he didn’t even notice.
I wasn’t being missed.
I wasn’t absent.
Instead, I was there… yes, I was with him… I was engaging with him… talking to him and having chats with him… I was attending events with him.
We were doing family activities. We were doing things.
It’s important to be intentional, and the easiest way to do that is to actually schedule family time.
There’s nothing wrong with that.
It may feel like, ‘oh, do I need to schedule family time?’
But once it’s on your calendar, you’re more likely to actually do it. And so I would say block out days for family time. Look at all the tasks that you have to accomplish that month and block out days for family time.
Quality over quality
One point I should add to that is that it’s not necessarily about frequency, but it’s about the quality of that time.
So even if you feel stretched or you feel there’s a lot to do or accomplish and very little time, you can just schedule as many days as you can reasonably accommodate and on those days, be completely present.
Your kids will cherish and remember those moments. You’ll still be able to build memories with them. You’ll still be able to have fun together. Even if it’s just four days out of the whole month, it doesn’t matter.
Frequency does not matter as much as quality. ‘Quality over quantity’ is a good way of thinking about how you might be intentional about scheduling family activities.
3. Offload tasks onto your calendar beforehand to free your mind from your PhD
The third tip I have about how you can switch off from your PhD and be fully present and enjoy family activities is to add outstanding PhD tasks to your calendar BEFORE the family activity so that you can free your mind and fully engage.
The worst thing is to have all of these tasks that you still need to do and all of the pressure of that on your mind while you are participating in family activities.
And the easiest way to offload that, is to actually schedule the PhD related tasks that you need to go back to, BEFORE the family activity. This is so that when you are enjoying the time with your family, you know you can always go back, look at your calendar and resume or return to the activities that you wanted to complete.
Just the act of putting your PhD tasks on your calendar, writing them down (whether it’s a physical calendar or digital calendar) allows you to forget about them, free your mind and fully engage in the present activity.
So definitely try that – put the outstanding tasks onto your calendar so that you can free your mind!
4. Leave your PhD work at your desk to help you switch off
The fourth tip I have for how to switch off of your PhD is when you are participating in a family activity or outing is to not carry reading papers, books, laptops with you while you are engaging in the activity.
Leave all of that on your desk and go out and enjoy your family!
There were times where I would literally walk with papers or some kind of reading. Sometimes even crazy enough to take my laptop! And the reality was that I would stress myself and take all this stuff and all this reading I wanted to do, knowing full well that I was not going to be able to do it.
Setting yourself up for disappointment all around
Doing that, just set me up for disappointment. On one hand you think, yep, I’m going to take all this stuff and somehow multitask my way through it all.
This does not work!
And don’t get me wrong, there is an element of comfort in carrying around stuff. I don’t know where it comes from, but you just feel this sense of security when you carry reading or work with you when really and truly, it doesn’t work. Instead it:
- Stops you from being present with your family,
- Sets you up for disappointment.
This is because when you get back to your work, you just feel so much guilt. Why? Because you haven’t actually even opened the laptop or read a single word in one of the papers you walked with.
So, my advice is to literally leave that all on your desk!
Go out, enjoy your family time. And if you’ve put those tasks on your calendar, as we mentioned in the previous step, then when you come back to it, you’ll know exactly what you need to do. There’s no guilt because you never planned to read or do any work while you were with your family anyway. You can come back to that feeling refreshed and ready to go.
And obviously if you’ve had fun with your family, you’ll probably in a much better mental space anyway. You can just get on with the next task when you’re back to work.
So do not carry work with you if you want to switch off from your PhD!
5. No work emails and notifications on your phone
The fifth tip is to resist the urge to check work related emails or notifications on your phone while you are with your family.
So, I learned this the hard way.
I used to have my emails for work on my phone. I would literally be engaging in activities, even something as simple as being in the supermarket shopping for groceries and I’d get a ping, an email ping! It’s really hard when you see an email come through, especially if it’s something that you were expecting or are waiting for a response on, to not open and read that email.
So what I learned was not to have work emails on my phone at all, at all. I do not have any work-related emails on my phone anymore. If somebody is trying to contact me in relation to my PhD, I will see the email when I log into my email. I intentionally check and open emails when I need to.
So if you could remove your work email app from your phone, it’s probably a good idea! That way you can go out, enjoy time with your family without being pinged and being notified of new emails. It will save you having to deal with the temptation of opening them.
So it’a a ‘no’ to work emails on your phone!
6. Switch off from your PhD by pausing to notice
The sixth tip is when you are out with the family, especially if you’re outdoors, to really notice your surroundings. Notice the interactions that are happening around you. Smell the air. Listen to the sound of the birds chirping or the waves crashing (if you’re at the beach). Notice the sound of the kids’ voices as they talk and play together. Feel the wind blowing on your face. Just notice nature, the sounds that are around you, the interactions, the communication, the people, the conversations, just notice them.
Because a lot of the time, when you’ve got other things on your mind, i.e. PhD stuff, and you are in a public place or interacting with your family or friends or what have you, it’s really hard to multitask in your mind. It’s really hard to pay attention to what’s happening around you. You will struggle to fully engage in conversations meaningfully and purposefully when you are also trying to engage (in your mind) with all the things that you haven’t done or have left to do.
The best way to be fully switched off from your PhD and be fully present with your family during family activities is to begin to notice. The best way of doing that is to not multitask in your mind, but to leave the PhD stuff at your desk and notice what’s happening around you.
When you stop and allow yourself to fully notice, there are so many aspects to the activity that you will be able to create wonderful memories from.
So take the time to stop and notice. Stop and notice what’s happening around you.
7. Savour moments with gratitude and build memories
The seventh tip is to savour the moment with gratitude.
Gratitude is honestly the one thing in my toolkit, that helps me to switch off from my PhD and be fully present. When I am approaching an activity or doing something with my family from a place of gratitude, I’m grateful for the moment. I’m grateful for the opportunity to be able to be here, to be able to hug my kids, to be able to hold my husband’s hand as we walk, or to be able to give my boys the biggest cuddles, and just fully be present.
When I think about what a privilege that is, and the fact that I get to do this… I realise that this isn’t something I have to do, this is something that I get to do.
This is time that I will never experience ever again. This moment will be over when the next moment begins and so to be fully present is to approach that time with an attitude of gratitude and that allows me to switch off from my PhD.
My PhD is not going to steal those moments from me.
My PhD is not going to consume me and rob me of the opportunity to fully engage in moments like those.
An attitude of gratitude is one way that helps me to fully switch off from my PhD.
8. Rinse and repeat!
The final tip is, when you do get back to your PhD work and complete your next task, then simply rinse and repeat from step one.
Check if you are getting enough sleep?
Are you being intentional about family time?
Have you added those PhD tasks to your calendar so that when you’re out you’re not thinking about them?
Are you leaving all PhD reading, work and laptops at your desk?
How are you resisting the urge to check work emails or notifications on your phone?
Are you fully noticing what’s happening around you, your surroundings, the interactions that are happening around you?
Are you truly grateful for the opportunity to have this family time?
Conclusion
I hope that you have found these tips helpful. I hope that they will give you new strategies to try so that you can fully switch off of your PhD, be fully present and actually enjoy family activities.
Well, that’s it for now Mama and I cannot wait to see you in the next post.
Remember Mama, these are our journeys of becoming!
Sending you lots of love and gratitude…
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