How To Stay Motivated And Make Your Dreams A Reality

Updated 25.6.23: “How do you stay motivated for so long?” must be the number one question I get asked, after “how on earth do you balance it all?”

Well, if you’ve been around here for a minute, you know that I don’t believe in balancing it all as much as I believe in living with intention and purpose and focussing flexibly.

Balance often implies equally distributed and proportioned spheres of life, when in reality, is that ever the case for anyone doing a PhD with kids in tow? I doubt it.

So I’ve recently changed my goal of seeking balance to one of seeking harmony in my Scholarly Mama journey.

More on that later.

By the way, if you’d rather listen to this blog as a podcast, please feel free to use the player below:

For me, achieving it all isn’t truly worth it if I am compromising on what matters, because it means I am losing perspective. Nor is it worth it if I become completely overwhelmed by the process.

But I digress. 

So let’s go back…

Let’s go back to this concept of motivation.

Thinking about this question of how to stay motivated takes me right back to a particular childhood experience. One I had while growing up in Barbados, actually.

It was a blistering hot and sunny school sports day. Barbados is a small Caribbean island and is always hot but for some reason this day felt hotter than usual.

Unlike my husband, I wasn’t particularly athletic in school, but I did always participate in school sports. You know, ever the team player… doing it for the good of the team and all! Hahaha. 

So on this super hot sports day, I found myself in the 400m heats of all things! I was not much of a runner and even less of long distance runner!

I’d give the 100-200m sprints a go any day for the thrill of it but 400m wasn’t exactly my idea of a sprint! And it certainly wasn’t my idea of fun.

As I stood at the starting line, observing the intensity of the sun’s rays beating down on the tracks, I entertained so many thoughts of pulling out of that race. My heart was beating out of my chest, as I began to lose sensation in my hands and legs, as the nerves gradually overcame me.

A test of motivation

Before I knew it, the starter gun fired and off I went! By the time I got to 200m, I was ready to throw in the towel and end this thing. And I don’t mean end it by winning the race either. Far from that, as I was bringing up the rear in style!  

I watched the seasoned athletes on both sides of me run past me like I was standing still. No matter how hard I tried, the distance between us kept on growing.

Off they went and there I was, going no where fast.

At this point, I knew I had two options: I could give up and just get the short term satisfaction of not humiliating myself any further in this silly race that I was fashionably losing anyways. Or I could find it within myself to keep going and see it through to the finish line.

You see, I know there was no medal or prize at stake for me, as I was losing this race without a doubt. This made it harder to stay motivated. But there was something even bigger at stake here for me. It was conquering the battle within myself. I needed the staying power to see this race through when all my body was telling me was to give up and give in.

It was necessary for me to find a way of pushing through these next 200m before me.

Staying motivated helped me win on my own terms

I knew it was not going to be easy to reach the finish line but I had to keep pushing.

And guess what!

I did it.

Of course, I didn’t win the race (I’ve already told you I came in last place) but I won the battle within me to not give up.  But somehow, I was able to motivate myself to keep running toward the goal and despite my position in the race, I was a winner in my eyes because I achieved something I never thought was even possible. 

So how did I do it?

Well, in short, I focussed my energy on these two things:

1. Running my own race
2. Overcoming the battle within

These two things helped me to stay motivated.

Despite the fact that I was losing the race, I stayed focussed on my own journey. I didn’t compare myself. I just ran my own race. And that meant I was fighting my own internal battle to keep going.

Of course, in the heat of the moment, I was just trying to get though it to the end. But I learned a powerful lesson that day.  I learned that being able to self-motivate was a skill that would come in very handy later on in my life.

Now, looking back at that moment, I can see how staying motivated helped me to get through that challenging experience. 

Many years on from that sports day fiasco, I still find myself on journeys that also challenge me in new ways.

Doing my PhD is one of them.

People always ask me how I manage to continue working so hard on a PhD part-time over so many years (by the time I finish, it will be nearly 8 years in total!).

I can now clearly understand and appreciate that the greatest secret of them all, is that of staying motivated.

The Importance of Motivation

Motivation is an important factor in achieving your goals and making your dreams a reality. If you are not motivated, you will most definitely have a hard time feeling happy and positive about anything.

This is why it is important to find ways to stay motivated.

What is the key to staying motivated?

Well, it is all about how you think.

Your thoughts will either make you want to keep going or give up. There are many ways to stay motivated, but they all come back to one thing: your thoughts. If you want to keep going, then you need to change what you are thinking.

We all know that doing a PhD is a long haul journey. It’s no easy feat. And just like any other journey that requires endurance and perseverance, there are times that you are faced with self-doubt, road blacks and a lack of motivation.

Even when you have absolute clarity of your goals, you can still lose the motivation to pursue them, ever so often. It happens to the best of us. I know I’ve been here a few times during my PhD and although I am close to the end of my journey, I still feel this way from time to time. 

So I thought it would be worth sharing a few simple tips to help you stay motivated in this long game.

1. Identify what motivates you

What gets your blood pumping? What makes your heart sing?

Take some time and think about what really motivates you and how that motivation can be applied to your life. Think about why you began this journey in the first place.

Was it to improve your career prospects? 

Did you want to make a difference in the world by contributing to science and knowledge?

Perhaps you wanted to improve your skills and prove to yourself that you can achieve whatever you set your mind to?

Did you dream of changing your future?

Whatever your reasons, remember why you started and tap into what motivates you. 

2. Be purposeful about it

Staying motivated is partly about finding your purpose in life. This can be difficult for some, but the rewards are worth it.

There are many different ways to go about finding meaning and purpose, but one of the most common ways is through a cause or mission that you care about. For example, one person might find meaning and purpose in their job because they believe that the work they do is helping others. A second person might find meaning and purpose in their free time doing volunteer work. I talked before about ways to give your PhD meaning beyond academia.

A questionnaire used by some psychologists to determine a person’s personal values is known as The Values In Action (VIA). One of the questions asks participants to list five things that are important to them. The VIA questionnaire gives a list of 30 different options, including “being in control” and “choosing my own values.”

Finding meaning and purpose in life is a subjective and personal experience, so it will vary from person to person. This means that the search for meaning and purpose is an individual experience and cannot be summed up in a single answer or number.

It is also not possible for other people to know what meaning will hold for an individual because there are infinite possibilities and meanings in life.

The process of finding out what will give one meaning and purpose can take time and is not easy. You have to search for it, and truth be told, it’s not always easy to find.

But there are some ways that you can try to find your meaning and purpose in life.

First, start by asking yourself what really matters to you? What is the legacy that you want to leave behind?

Second, explore the things that make your heart beat faster. When are you most alive? What excites and energizes you?

Third, reflect on what makes a difference in the world. What small things can have a big impact on people’s lives?

Fourth, think about what motivates and inspires others. Why do they do what they do? How does their work make a difference in other people’s lives or the world at large?

Fifth, think about how your work will be remembered. What will people say about you in the future?

Once you have clarity on these questions, it will be much easier to pursue those goals with a relentless sense of purpose because you know what awaits you on the other side of your hard work and effort.

This is what will motivate you to keep going with purpose and intention.  

3. Work out what makes you happy

This step is about figuring out what makes you happy.

What do you love to do? Think about what gives you joy. What have you always wanted to try?

You are the only one who knows what will make you happy. You need to be able to live your life and not just be living it for other people.

Adminttedly, the concept of happiness is a subjective one. Some people find happiness in money, others find it in relationships, and some find it in their work. But the most important thing is to do what makes you happy, to know what is best for you and your life.

Therefore, the first step to being happy is to figure out what makes you happy. This can be done by asking yourself the following questions:

1) What are my passions?

2) What are my strengths?

3) What are my goals?

4) What are my values?

5) Who am I as a person?

4. Dream big, plan small, keep winning!

Goal setting is a process of deciding on what you want to achieve and then developing a plan to help you reach your goals. It’s important because it helps you focus on what you want in life, rather than what you don’t have.

Setting goals can be as simple as writing down your desired outcomes or creating a vision board. Once these are set, the next step is to make sure that these goals are achievable and measurable.

This can be done by following the SMART principle. It’s also important to take take action and not give up easily. This means that once we set our goals we need to work hard and keep them in mind at all times so that they become a reality.

Setting goals is a good way to measure your progress and stay motivated.

It is important to set SMART goals. For your goals to be SMART, they need to be:

– Specific,

– Measurable,

– Attainable,

– Relevant, and

– Timely.

Find a way to break tasks down into smaller steps (mini-goals) so that they become more manageable, or use a system like the Pomodoro technique where breaks are built into the process so that you don’t get burned out by long periods of work.

When goals are too big and unspecific, it’s hard to stay motivated to reach them because they seem unreachable. So making sure your goals are SMART ensures that you not only achieve them one by one, but you get that boost of motivation to keep you going.

My philosophy is to use a bite-sized approach to help me stay motivated and actually achieve my big goals. In other words, I dream big, plan small, so that I keep winning!

5. Get organised to stay motivated

It’s important to create a daily schedule and plan ahead. A good schedule can help you manage your time much more efficiently.

The first step is to identify the tasks that you need to complete on a daily basis. This will help you create a list of activities that will form your schedule.

As mentioned above, it helps to break down each task into smaller, more manageable pieces. This way, you can gauge how much time it will take to complete the task and plan accordingly.

Finally, start planning your days ahead by scheduling the tasks using a planner, such as my FREE MMPhD planner, so that they are not forgotten and completed on time! 

Here are some practical steps to help you get organised:

1) Create a list of tasks that need to be completed.

2) Estimate how long each task will take.

3) Schedule time for each task.

4) Prioritise tasks based on importance.

5) Create your daily schedule, and account for breaks and time for yourself.

6) Use my FREE MMPhD planner to help you manage your tasks.

Life as a Scholarly Mama can be hectic, but getting organised helps a tonne with staying on top of things and has the added bonus of helping you to stay motivated too!

6. Reward yourself to keep your motivation up

Make sure that you have a reward for completing your mini-goals. This does not have to be complicated.

Reward yourself by taking care of yourself.

Examples include going on a walk (or run, if that’s your thing), reading an uplifting book, or take a relaxing bath.

When you’ve got something to look forward to at the end of a tough stretch, it helps you to stay motivated to accomplish that mini-goal. This mini-motivation will then give you the momentum you need to keep going and achieve the next step toward the bigger goal.

7. Focus on the positive to stay motivated

It can be easy to fixate on what you see as challenges and worry about all of the things that could go wrong instead of celebrating all of the things that are going right.

The most successful people who have attained great heights are able to achieve success on their own terms by focusing on what they can control and learning from their mistakes rather than dwelling on the things they cannot control.

Try this mindset shift, it will help you to truly celebrate those little wins and motivate you to achieve the success you’ve defined for yourself. 

Bonus Tip on Staying Motivated

The bonus tip here is all about self-talk.

Self-talk is a very powerful tool. We know this because we teach our kids to practice positive self-talk.

It is something that we use every day and yet, many of us don’t even realize it. Self-talk can be defined as the dialogues that one has with oneself. It is the way we talk to ourselves and our internal monologue.

There are four key points that you need to remember when it comes to self-talk:

1) Be specific:

2) Be positive:

3) Be encouraging:

4) Be realistic

Self-talk can be used to overcome any obstacle in your way and to help you reach your goals. The first step to overcoming an obstacle is to believe that you can do it.

You need to start by telling yourself that you are capable of achieving whatever goal you set for yourself.

Next, you need to remind yourself on a daily basis why the goal is important and how good it will feel when you achieve it. Affirmations are powerful motivating tools. This will keep your motivation up and allow you to keep going even when things get tough.

In part this is about self-compassion.

If we are hard on ourselves, our self-esteem will plummet and we won’t be able to reach our goals. In order to keep your motivation up and have higher self-esteem, you must remind yourself that no matter what happens, you are doing your best. So it’s vitally important to practice positive self-talk in order to motivate oneself and overcome obstacles.

Self-talk isn’t just for our kids Mama, it’s for us to practice too!

So there you have it!  

Over to you

I hope you found these little tips helpful in staying motivated towards you goals. If your goals are helping you to create a life that is truly worthwhile and meaningful for you, then trying to keep your head in the zone is absolutely worth the effort!

Let me know in the comments below how you stay motivated! I’d love to learn from you too 🙂

And if you found this post helpful, please go ahead and share it with someone you know.

Remember, these are our journeys of becoming!

Until next time,

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