Being a Scholarly Mama is a beautiful blend of intense academic demands and the chaotic joy of motherhood. However, one of the biggest hurdles that can trip us up in this juggling act is the vicious cycle of self-doubt, procrastination, and last-minute panic. This destructive loop often leaves us feeling burnt out and questioning our capabilities to complete the journey.
In this blog post, we will explore strategies you can use to help you silence your inner critic and make more sustainable progress.
By the way, if you want to listen to the podcast related to this post, please feel free to use the player below:
The Negative Self-Talk Spiral
At the root of this dilemma lies the negative self-talk spiral. Thoughts like ‘I’m not good enough,’ ‘My work isn’t up to par’, or ‘I don’t deserve to be on this journey’ can breed self-criticism and procrastination. We put off tasks because we fear facing the pain of imperfection or criticism, leading to a cycle of frantic work binges and deepening self-doubt.
This self-talk often stems from societal and cultural pressures to be ‘supermoms’ and the myth that we must be perfect at all times. As Scholarly Mamas, we carry immense weight, fearing disappointing our supervisors, spouses, children, or extended families. This burden can exacerbate self-scrutiny and make us question our identities and capabilities, especially as minorities navigating academia and motherhood.
Cultivating Self-Compassion: The Key to Quieting Insidious Voices of Self-Doubt
To break free from this vicious cycle, we must cultivate a practice of self-compassion. Accepting that we are imperfect beings and that producing perfect work is an unrealistic expectation is the first step. When we find safety in our imperfections and extend the same kindness and understanding to ourselves that we offer others, we can silence those insidious self-critical voices.
One powerful technique is to notice negative self-talk and challenge it with evidence. Call it out, question its validity, and replace it with a more compassionate thought. My personal 3-C strategy can help: Call it out, Challenge it, and Change it.
- Call it out: Name it and shame it. Don’t let the emotions live in secrecy. Call them out!
- Challenge it: What evidence do you have that this negative thought is true? Can you prove or disprove it?
- Change it: Can you now use this to change your behaviour or response to the circumstance?
Strategies for Imperfect but Consistent Action
- Embrace “Done” Over Perfection: Reframe your definition of success to align with progress rather than unattainable perfection. Understand that producing imperfect work and seeking feedback is far more productive than all-or-nothing work binges.
- Brain Dump and Free Write: Release the pressure of perfection by simply brain-dumping your thoughts onto paper without filters or editing. Free writing allows you to capture ideas as they come, even during small pockets of time between mom duties.
- Time Blocking and Scheduling: Commit to dedicated writing or task times by blocking them in your calendar. This pre-planning helps you make consistent progress, even if it’s just free writing or jotting down thoughts.
- Anchor to Routines (with Buffers): While anchoring tasks to routines can aid productivity, build in buffers to accommodate the unpredictable nature of motherhood. This flexibility will prevent complete derailment when life happens.
The Power of Incremental Progress To Silence Self-Doubt
It’s important to remember that consistent, incremental progress is far more valuable than periodic work binges. Each small step you take, whether it’s a few sentences written or a rough outline sketched out, brings you closer to your goal.
Celebrate these mini-milestones and resist the urge to berate yourself for not achieving perfection. Remind yourself that done is better than perfect, and that seeking feedback on imperfect drafts is an opportunity for growth, not a reason for self-criticism.
Overcoming Mum Guilt and Embracing Purposeful Success
As Scholarly Mamas, it’s crucial to reach our goals without sacrificing time with loved ones or the things that truly matter. Pursuing intellectual growth does not make you a selfish mother; rather, it allows you to become a more compassionate, fulfilled parent.
When you invest in your dreams and personal growth, you are filling your own cup first, enabling you to pour into the lives of your children from a place of fullness rather than depletion. This models a healthy work-life integration, setting an example that they don’t have to sacrifice themselves or their families to pursue their dreams.
Embrace your identity as a Scholarly Mama unapologetically, for it enriches your life in ways that academic prestige alone cannot. Your responsibilities as a mother are part of your reality and enhance your journey in profound ways.
Seeking Support and Community To Help Eliminate Self-Doubt
Breaking deep-rooted cycles of self-doubt can be an arduous journey, but you don’t have to walk it alone. Seek out supportive communities of fellow Scholarly Mamas who understand your unique challenges and can offer empathy, advice, and encouragement.
Consider finding a mentor or experienced Scholarly Mama who can guide you through the rough patches and remind you of your strength and capabilities when self-doubt creeps in. Their wisdom and perspective can be invaluable in helping you reframe your mindset and stay focused on your goals.
The Path Forward: Self-Compassion and Consistent Action
Breaking the cycle of self-doubt and procrastination is challenging, but you have the strength and determination to do this work. Continue to practice self-compassion, take imperfect but consistent action, and savour the extraordinary experience of being a mother and scholar simultaneously.
Remember, you are enough. Don’t let self-doubt or society’s unrealistic standards make you question your capabilities. You had what it takes even before you began this academic journey. Believe in yourself, and you will reclaim your confidence and make consistent progress toward your big academic dreams as a purposeful, Scholarly Mama.
By silencing the negative self-talk, embracing imperfection, and taking consistent action, you can break free from the shackles of self-doubt and procrastination. The path ahead may be winding, but with self-compassion and a supportive community, you can navigate it with grace and emerge as a shining example of purposeful success for Scholarly Mamas everywhere.
Remember Mama, these are our journeys of becoming!
Until next time, I am sending you lots of love and gratitude.
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