How to Navigate the Juggle Struggle as a Scholarly Mama: 10 Essential Mindset Shifts

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As someone who has had all her kids in academia, I understand the need to navigate the juggle struggle purposefully. In this post, I wanted to share 10 essential mindset shifts that have helped me navigate my marriage, motherhood, and PhD journeys, plus everything else in between.

If you’d prefer to listen to this post as a podcast, please feel free to use the player below:

Unfortunately, academia does not have the best reputation for being family-friendly. 

Although, there are some benefits. The flexibility and autonomy that research work offers, often appeal to mamas who are balancing their research with the demands of real lives outside of academia. 

However, the pressures to rise to the top of your academic game can be crippling at times, even for seasoned academics, let alone those at the beginning of their research careers. 

Pressures to secure competitive grant funding, publish articles in high impact peer-reviewed journals, present at in-house seminars and symposiums, disseminate research findings at prestigious conferences and the teaching workload that comes with life in academia, all sit on our already heavy Scholarly Mama shoulders. 

When marriage, motherhood and other aspects of real life are added to this cocktail, it’s easy to see how we, as scholarly mamas, can easily become overwhelmed. 

I guess it’s called the juggle struggle for a reason, right?

But I digress…

Why being able to navigate the juggle struggle is so important

My experience of academia so far has taught me that being able to navigate the juggle struggle purposefully is essential for manifesting the staying power needed for this marathon of a journey. 

If you’ve ever made your favourite dish and it didn’t come out quite right because you added too much or too little of one of the ingredients, you’ll quickly appreciate the importance of balance. In fact, I will take this even further to say, when there is harmony (or disharmony) in the mixture, you definitely know. 

Isn’t it funny how you only realise when there’s too much or too little of something? But when each ingredient is present in the appropriate proportions, you can enjoy the mouth-watering outcome!

Your Scholarly Mama journey is no different, especially as you wear several other hats in your non-academic life. 

You maybe a mum, wife, friend, partner, caregiver, professional, business woman and so much more! Each hat you wear has its place on your journey but work-life harmony is key to avoiding burnout and overwhelm. 

The tips I share here are focussed heavily on challenging your mindset. I acknowledge that these strategies may not be for everyone as they are heavily based on my own experience. But as always, feel free to take away what’s doable for you and leave behind what’s not.

The pin below gives an overview of what I will cover in this blog post.

1. Keep your priorities centred and avoid comparison as you navigate the juggle struggle

As Scholarly Mamas, we have to dig so deep some days just to keep going.

Especially when we see our ‘childless’ colleagues knocking their milestones out of the park and we feel unable to even make it to the park some days, thanks to sleep deprivation and sheer exhaustion from juggling all our other responsibilities!

Well, the truth is that being a Scholarly Mama is certainly not a walk in the park so let’s be gentle with ourselves. 

There is no better way to crash and crumble into absolute chaos on this Scholarly Mama journey than to misappropriate your priorities. Doing the PhD grind at the expense of your family, your physical and mental health, your finances, and your life, can never be justified.

A hierarchy of priorities is important and maintaining perspective helps too.

It’s the first mindset shift required for finding something that at least resembles some kind of equilibrium! 

Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to your colleagues in order to keep up with them. Especially those who do not have the responsibilities you have. Perhaps they can work longer hours than you can or even complete their PhD before you do.

That’s okay.

The race isn’t for the swift.

If you desire balance and perspective on this journey, don’t compromise your life priorities in order to keep up with the ‘PhD Joneses’.

Chart your own path!

Navigate your journey on your own terms and in a way that you can look back on and be proud of. A path upon which your priorities remain in tact and your family remain in tact. But most importantly, one that leaves you in tact!

Comparison is the enemy of true joy on your Scholarly Mama journey.

Don’t do it to yourself Mama!

2. If you are navigating the juggle struggle as a Scholarly Mama, treat your PhD like your day job

If you’re running yourself into the ground, working every day of the week and every waking hour of each day, maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your work-life balance.

It’s so tempting to slip into a ‘student mindset’.

But your PhD is your research job and you should treat it as such.

Remember that you’re also running a home, raising kids, building a marriage or relationship, and living a real, multidimensional life. So start by changing the way you think about your PhD and treat it as you would any other job.

Put in the work and grind when you need to, but don’t let it take over your life.

There are times you will have to work late, or weekends unavoidably, or push to a deadline or two.

It happens.

But please don’t let this become a habit if you want to avoid burnout and keep a sound mind.

3. Harnessing your creativity can help you navigate the juggle struggle as a Scholarly Mama

Sometimes doing a PhD can feel like we are losing a part of ourselves. The journey feels like a long slog at times and we can become weary and tired along the way.

I used to think creativity was something that we either had or not. But I’ve since realised that we all have a creative side. We just deprive ourselves of the opportunity to tap into it.

If you’re looking for a way to reignite your motivation and revive your spark, tap into your creativity. For me, this was taking inspiration from my children and writing my own children’s book series called Doodle Dozen. The reviews and feedback I’ve received so far from big and little readers alike, remind me that I’m making a positive difference in the world, which makes my heart smile.

I talk about why I wrote the series in more depth in a previous blog post about becoming a children’s author. 

For you, tapping into your creativity may look different from what I’ve done.

Maybe you enjoy getting your hands dirty with something hands-on like pottery or painting, or maybe you’re digitally creative using software like Canva.

Hey, I’m always open to Canva tips so hit this Scholarly Mama up if you’ve got the skills!

Seriously though, whatever gives you that creative buzz, find some time explore it again. It can work wonders for your motivation and perspective by giving your life new meaning and purpose.

I do believe that a fulfilled life is one in which its various dimensions can exist in harmony with each other.

If nothing else, harnessing your creativity will remind you that you’re more than your PhD. And as creativity is contagious, that ignited spark of motivation will extend to your Scholarly Mama journey as well.

Before you know it, you’ll be out of the funk soon enough! 

4. Let go of perfectionism

Trust me when I tell you, I’ve had to work so HARD at this one. As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve had to accept that done is better than perfect when it comes to my PhD.

Fear of failure burdened me for many years.  

Sadly, perfectionism doesn’t only apply to our roles as Scholarly Mamas. We place so many pressures on ourselves be perfect in academia, in motherhood, but mostly in doing both. However, to get through a PhD with kids, you have to cut yourself some slack and get over the perfectionism.  

The mindset shift I would like you to consider is that you don’t have to be the best to have something of value to offer. You have so much to offer your children, so much to offer your spouse, so much to offer your career. But you can only do this well if you are you!

And that means with all your faults and imperfections.   

Remember that your PhD is just one of your journeys of becoming. It’s okay to not have it all figured out.

If you have a supportive supervisor (or advisor for my Scholarly Mamas across the pond), don’t be afraid to submit working drafts of work for feedback.

Don’t wait until you have a perfect masterpiece to send them your work. 

Their comments will help you enhance the quality of your work. Plus, the process of just submitting helps push you further along as you can get on with the next task on your to-do list while your supervisor reads your drafts. 

If you want to find balance and perspective on this Scholarly Mama journey, learn to embrace your imperfections! You’re perfectly imperfect and that’s 100% okay!

In fact, it’s the only way to be at peace as you navigate the juggle struggle.

5. Staying true to your nature is critical for navigating the juggle struggle

I have been reading the book Quiet by Susan Cain which explores the power of introversion in a world that favours extroverts.

I have always identified as an introvert.

Being the ‘life of the party’ is simply not in my nature. I’m much more akin to having a soft, quite power which shines on its own. And it’s not for lack of confidence in my abilities per se, because I am internally very self-affirming. But in reading Quiet, I’ve realised that I have a highly sensitive temperament and experience stimulation very deeply. Which is why I love deep, meaningful conversations. I am less of the superficial “How’s the weather?” kind of girl.

It also means that my ‘interaction threshold’ is reached more quickly than some. I get my energy from having some time to get deep into my thoughts. 

I am a lady of contemplation, akin to the “reflective, cerebral, bookish, unassuming, sensitive, thoughtful, serious, contemplative, subtle, introspective, inner-directed, gentle, calm, modest, solitude-seeking, risk adverse, thin-skinned, quiet” type, according to Susan Cain’s book.

But I can also display extroverted attributes such as being sociable, assertive and risk-taking when necessary, referred to as as “pseudo extroverted” behaviour in Susan Cain’s book. It’s the ability of an introvert to display extroverted qualities when a situation demands it. But it doesn’t change who I am and how I navigate this world. 

I am not ashamed of being an introvert.

I truly value and make sure I nurture my relationships including spending quality time with my husband, kids, family and close friends.

But I also love to spend quiet time in deep reflection.

For a long time, I felt guilty about not jumping at every opportunity to ‘socialise’ with PhD colleagues. However, after reading this book, I now know that being an introvert is actually my superpower.

It allows me to process the world and connect on a deeper level with an eye for detail that allows me to see things that others may overlook. It fuels my desire to seek meaning and purpose intentionally and so much more.

So I am good with being me. You should be too, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert.

Just do you, Mama!

Whatever you do, don’t let it hold you back from embracing new opportunities. And definitely don’t try to be someone you’re clearly not.

Be unapologetically yourself and stay true to your nature.

Seek activities that align with who you are, while always remaining open to reflection and self development.

And finally, when you have some time, check out Susan Cain’s amazing TED talk on the power of introverts.

6. Celebrate the little wins as a scholarly Mama

Don’t just celebrate the big wins, celebrate the little ones too! When you’re juggling your PhD with family life, things can get pretty hectic.  

If you’re anything like me, your to-do lists keep getting longer and longer! This is totally normal but can easily become overwhelming. 

When we see our tasks as huge insurmountable giants, this hinders our progress with even the smallest, most mundane of them. We become burdened, overwhelmed and unproductive all round. I’ve had to alter my thinking about celebrating the little things because in reality, it’s still progress.

So I chose to focus on accomplishing one thing (anything!) on my to-do list. No matter how small it is, this gives me the boost of motivation I need to tackle the next (bigger) thing! 

I’ve learned to celebrate the little wins. 

And I know I will get to where I need to go on this Scholarly Mama journey, but I plan to do it one baby step, one little win at a time! 

7. Find and connect with your people to help you better navigate the juggle struggle

I’ve spoken before about the importance of finding your people, but it’s equally as important to actually connect with them. 

Doing this Scholarly Mama journey alongside others will help you to remember the world outside of your own Scholarly Mama life, by sharing your experiences and learning from the experiences of others.

This is the power of connection. 

There is so much value in surrounding yourself with people who will support you on this Scholarly Mama journey.

Join groups and communities with individuals on a similar journey and engage with them. Here on mrsmummyphd.com, I am building a community of other Scholarly Mamas. 

Whether you’re contemplating becoming a Scholarly Mama, currently a Scholarly Mama or have past experience of being a Scholarly Mama, then this is the place for you! 

My hope is that it will become a safe space to share and learn from each other. 

I’d love to have you there!

8. Stay connected to your power source 

Whatever your source of strength, be sure to keep tapping into that regularly throughout your Scholarly Mama journey.

For me it’s my belief in a power greater than myself and a faith in that divinity.

As a Christian, it’s my faith in God that gives me the strength I need to keep going.

I connect with Him through prayer, worship, and reflection.

But I am not here to push Christianity down anyone’s throat.

I respect the fact that we may have different beliefs and some may have none at all. There is absolutely no judgement here!

So whatever your power source, keep tapping into it because on this scholarly Mama journey, we need every bit of help we can get!

9. Focus flexibly as you navigate the juggle struggle purposefully

I talked before about the importance of focusing flexibly. By this I mean that there will be times on this scholarly Mama journey that you may have to shift priorities and illuminate a particular aspect of your life for focus.

Someone recently asked my advice on dealing with Mum guilt and my response was that there are days when you may have to sacrifice time spent on one aspect of your life at the expense of others and vice versa.

Doing this doesn’t make you a bad Mama or a terrible person. It makes you human because this is the ultimate juggling act.

There are times when I have to push a little harder on the PhD side to meet a deadline or other commitment. Equally, there are times when I have to pull back a little and prioritise my family or my mental health.

The secret is in the flexibility of your focus.

It’s being intentional about not inflicting irreversible damage on myself or others I care about, in the decisions I make about how I spend my time.  

10. Let your ‘why’ inspire you to quietly persist as a scholarly Mama

I think I have saved the best one for last!

It’s one of my BEST KEPT SECRETS about how I keep going on my academic journey.

My quiet persistence allows me to block out the ‘noise’ of academia and allow me to focus on why I am doing what I am doing and to keep going with a slow and steady approach.

Knowing my ‘why’ helps me stay motivated on my Scholarly Mama journey.

My ‘why’ is complex.

It’s wrapped up in doing something for myself that I enjoy because it challenges me in a way that nothing else does. Showing my kids that they too can do difficult things is also part of it. It’s also knowing that as a Black Caribbean woman living in the UK, that I too can achieve the big goals I set for myself, despite my lack of privilege. My husband and I are raising three boys in a country far away from family and support which makes the journey that much harder. Being a first generation graduate adds to it too. It’s also doing all this in spite of the setbacks I have faced on this journey.

Balancing this journey with marriage and motherhood actually gives me strength. There is comfort in knowing that that no matter what, I am surrounded by unconditional love and support.

My ‘why’ runs deep.

But it’s that ‘why’ that helps me to persist in the face of adversity and helps me to find a purpose that is greater than myself and my PhD.

It’s rooted in my getting to know who I am and what drives me.

So when you think about your ‘why’, think about what makes your heart sing and how that helps you to stay strong and to keep going.

Consider the impact you want to have through your Scholarly Mama experience.

Think about the deep motivations that make up your ‘why’.

If you’re struggling to know your ‘why’, take some time to get to know yourself better. Your ‘why’ will reveal itself!

Then, use that ‘why’ as inspiration to keep going on your Scholarly Mama journey. 

Conclusion

In this blog post, we’ve looked at 10 mindset shifts that have helped me to navigate the juggle struggle as a Scholarly Mama.  

To recap, they are:

1. Keep priorities centred and don’t compare 

2. Treat your PhD like your day job

3. Accept that done is better than perfect 

4. Stay true to your nature

5. Celebrate the little wins

6. Harness your creativity

7. Find and connect with your people

8. Stay connected to your power source 

9. Focus flexibly

10. Let your ‘why’ inspire you to quietly persist

As you know, I started the Mrs Mummy PhD blog because I wanted to inspire you to find the staying power required to navigate the juggle struggle of this Scholarly Mama journey. But finding that staying power without losing yourself in the process, requires a different perspective.

The seasons of Scholarly Motherhood can be challenging.

It’s a time when the pressures of achievement and completion are at their highest and yet the rewards feel at their lowest.

Few people would trade their time and energy with the stress, pressure and guilt we endure when doing a PhD and combining that with motherhood. 

But I hope that these 10 mindset shifts will help you to better navigate the juggle struggle of your Scholarly Mama journey and give you a renewed perspective. 

When you’ve experimented with them and figured out which combination allows you the healthiest balance of family life and research life, run with it! 

Just always remember that your PhD is only one part of your life Mama, so don’t let it take over.

Blend wisely.

Over to you

Now it’s over to you, Mama!

What mindset shifts have worked for you that I have missed?

How do you find and maintain balance and perspective on your Scholarly Mama journey?

I’d love you to share your top tips in the comments below!

Remember, these are our journeys of becoming!

Until next time,