Mrs Mummy PhD Was Designed for You and Here’s Why

Updated 3.4.23: Can I be honest with you here about why the Mrs Mummy PhD platform was created?

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I was tired of seeing mamas who wanted to study for advanced degrees such as a Masters or Doctorates put off by fear that it’s just not possible for them because they have children.

There were even scholarly mamas who began this journey and then gave up on it because they felt forced to choose between their own career goals and the needs of their families.

Mrs Mummy PhD was designed because I’ve seen so many scholarly mamas who completed their PhDs successfully, feel miserable and burnt out after. This is because they never actually achieved a healthy work-life balance during their doctorates. They transferred these poor habits to their post-doctoral academic jobs and remained unhappy and unfulfilled.

I became tired of seeing Scholarly Mamas of colour, especially Afro-Caribbean women, remain only a minority in academia.

As I reflected on this, I realised that I was all of these things!

It felt heavy.

Since then, I’ve been on a personal journey of purpose, discovery, and self-love. I am finding out that my sense of life’s meaning and purpose may actually be found outside of academia, and I am totally open to that.

Yes, I am distancing myself from the unbalanced, over-achiever mindset that plagued my younger academic years!

Nothing like age and experience to give you wisdom, eh!

Well, I am grateful for these new journeys of becoming and I hope you will stick around to share them with me.

The Exception, Not the Rule

I understand well how it feels to have the odds of ‘success’ stacked against you.

I began my PhD journey as a minority in all areas.

Being a ‘mature’ student, in my thirties when I started, made me one of the ‘older’ ones.

As I was one of very few (if not the only) black, Afro-Caribbean women among my colleagues, this also made me somewhat unusual.

We already had our first child when I began my PhD and we soon became pregnant with my second.

Being married also came with the ‘odds territory’.

On top of all of this, I had financial obligations like childcare, a mortgage, and other household bills which to this day, still feel like they just keep increasing!

My point is that I had real-life commitments outside of my PhD. None of my colleagues were ALL of these things.

I was clearly the exception, not the rule.

While this kind of exotic rarity may sound appealing to some, it was also isolating. It meant I had no one in my circle to relate to.

I was the first to attend university in my family (first-generation graduate here, whoop whoop!). Therefore, I had no one there to share the secret tips and tricks for surviving this PhD journey.

Among my closest friends, I was again the only one doing a PhD. This meant that no one would truly get what I was embarking on.

My PhD colleagues would certainly appreciate the gravity of this undertaking from an academic point of view. But none of them shared my particular demographic, so it would have been unfair to expect them to understand fully.

My husband, although a pillar of support for me and the one who knows me so well, could not truly relate to the career sacrifices I’d faced so far on my journey. As a woman of colour AND a Scholarly Mama, these propelled my new minority status in academia. How could he fully understand?

But I have realised that sometimes we look for the ‘silver lining’ in all the wrong places.

Perhaps there is a way of fighting against the odds, pushing back against the things that do not define us, and refining ‘success’ for ourselves.

This is the journey I find myself on…

Looking for Answers

There are so many in my position. So many scholarly mamas facing similar challenges and struggling to achieve that delicate balance between PhD life and real life. This has the potential to make these journeys sources of frustration, guilt, and unhappiness.

So I decided to look for solutions.

I began to search Google to see what was out there to address these specific issues.

I was particularly interested in perspectives from women colour in the midst of their marriage, motherhood, and PhD journeys of becoming.

To my surprise, I could find very little.

For whatever reason, there simply hasn’t been a solid resource created specifically to help purposeful Scholarly Mamas like me and like you. No single place for scholarly mamas who are on various journeys of becoming, to find true success, joy and purpose in their PhD pursuits, while also living their real lives to the fullest, and sharing them with those they love.

So I decided to create that space I wish I had. This is why I designed this platform.

Let me explain further.

Be What You Want to See

I’ve had all three of our children in academia (including two during my PhD). So I’ve had my share of the emotional roller-coasters, doubts, fears, and insecurities that burden the mind of a Scholarly Mama.

I’ve experienced the highs and lows of married life, difficult pregnancies, miscarriages, c-section recoveries, and sleepless nights. The sick children, school plays, school runs, and homework. Then, of course, the stressful commutes, deadlines, never-ending to-do lists, and imposter syndrome. I’ve experienced it all while on this scholarly mama journey.

So in looking for a place to find other purposeful Scholarly Mamas like myself and not finding it, I accepted that sometimes you just have to BE what you want to see.

I am also willing to work towards changing the narrative and unapologetically pursue my purpose on this journey.

This is why I created this platform.

I want to encourage you in your journey and writing this blog also inspires me in mine. Yup, this is exactly why Mrs Mummy PhD was created.

I too, have experienced those feelings of isolation. At times, I felt like I was the only one balancing marriage, motherhood and my PhD on top of the challenges of the PhD itself.

What I know for sure, is that I want to connect with other scholarly mamas who are challenged on a daily basis to delicately balance and navigate the ups and downs of motherhood, marriage, and family. Plus, all the responsibilities that come with life in general. All of this, while pursuing careers, and undertaking the challenge of a PhD, added for good measure!

If you are like me and spinning several full plates but are deeply purpose-driven and motivated by the bigger picture, then you are in the right place!

My journeys of becoming are teaching me valuable lessons. I hope that my sharing will inspire and encourage you to keep spinning your own plates, in a purposeful way.

Who is the Mrs Mummy PhD platform for?

This space is for you if any one of the following describes you:

1. Perhaps you are an ambitious, new mama who is navigating your own journey through academic motherhood with all its joys and challenges.

2. Maybe you’re an overwhelmed, stressed-out scholarly mama who is seeking more joy and fulfilment on your journey through this Scholarly Mama life.

3. Maybe you’re a mama of colour struggling to find role models in your academic circles with whom you can truly identify.

4. Perhaps you’re already a mama or you’re currently pregnant and want to show your child (or children) that although your journeys of becoming all of you may not be easy, it is still possible to achieve your goals and see them to fruition.

5. Maybe you’re devoted to a loving relationship with that special someone but want to commit to real growth and longevity. You want to take your relationship to the next level but you feel held back by your academic or career commitments.

6. You may be from very humble beginnings. Maybe you are the first in your family to attend university. Despite this, maybe you want to use the knowledge, skills, and opportunities you’ve gained to inspire others like you.

7. Maybe, you are all of the above!

If any apply, I am writing this to remind you that you can keep going when the struggle is real. Even when it feels impossible to achieve the dream and survive the journey, you can keep going.

You can do this!

I am not suggesting though, that we deny the challenges faced and keep our heads in the clouds while our worlds crumble below. Unrealistic, toxic positivity is unhelpful.

It’s about finding purpose in your journey that will help you through both the good and the bad times to come.

So I’m here as evidence that it is possible to do a PhD with kids. But more importantly, it’s possible to also find joy, purpose, happiness, and fulfillment in your journey.

How can you do this?

Two words: purpose and perspective. 

These two words have been game-changers for me.  

Changing my mindset has been the hardest, yet most fruitful, part of my journeys of becoming so far. However, I’m getting there, one baby step at a time. So can you!

This space is for you!

You’ve probably stumbled across this page because you’re a Scholarly Mama or thinking of becoming one and looking for a different way to navigate the juggle struggle.

Maybe you’ve been silently contemplating giving up and walking away because it’s becoming too much.

Or maybe you’ve just found out that you’re pregnant and wondering how on earth this is all going to pan out!

Maybe you’re not yet on the PhD journey but thinking about it and wondering if it will be possible with a family.

Or maybe you’re not doing a PhD and never plan to but you’re still facing the same challenges in your other academic pursuits to achieve your career goals. Well, you’re still a scholarly mama and are welcome here!

No matter your path, what you really want is to journey with purpose.

Regardless of the academic journey of becoming you’re navigating, if you’ve ever felt these feelings, I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone.

We’ve all had these feelings from time to time and have questioned EVERYTHING.

So if you want to pursue your goals purposefully, raise your family, and find the joy in your journey of becoming ALL of you, then I’m glad you found your way here.

If you want to get better at finding work-life harmony by adopting a different perspective in order to find deeper meaning and purpose in your own journey of becoming, then this is the place for you.

I’m so happy you are here.

We are in this together.  

Are you up for the ride? Let’s do this!

These are our journeys of becoming…

With much love and best wishes,

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