As a Mama pursuing your PhD, you’ve probably noticed that no one warned you about the invisible barriers that would pop up along your academic journey. These hidden traps can significantly impact your progress, turning what should be an enriching experience into an overwhelming juggle-struggle. But here’s the thing – you’re not alone, and these obstacles don’t define your journey.
Let’s dive into the five most common traps that Scholarly Mamas encounter and explore why maintaining consistency, rather than seeking perfection, is the key to moving forward.
By the way, if you would prefer to listen to this as a podcast, be sure to tune into the Mrs Mummy PhD® Podcast wherever you usually get your podcasts or feel free to use the player below:
1. The Perfectionism Paralysis
We’ve all been there – staring at a blank document, afraid to write that first word because it might not be perfect. As high-achieving academic mothers, many of us have built our identities around academic excellence. And although we now know better, the fear of producing anything less than perfect can still be paralysing.
Here’s a profound truth that took me years to learn: you don’t have to be perfect to be purposeful. This isn’t just a cute saying – it’s a fundamental shift in how we approach our academic work. Motherhood has a way of teaching us this lesson rather quickly. Just as we’re not perfect parents, or perfect spouses, or perfect daughters, we won’t be perfect researchers, and that’s completely okay.
The key is to take imperfect action. Instead of viewing your entire PhD thesis as one mammoth piece of work that needs to be flawless, break it down into smaller, manageable chunks. Ask yourself: “What’s the next simplest step I can take, even if it’s not perfect?” Maybe it’s writing just one paragraph or setting a tiny, achievable goal for the day.
2. The Guilt Cycle
The guilt cycle is perhaps one of the most emotionally draining hidden traps we fall into. You feel guilty when you’re working on your PhD because you’re not with your kids. Then you feel guilty when you’re with your kids because you’re not working on your thesis. It’s an endless emotional roller coaster that can zap every ounce of energy you have.
Breaking free from this cycle starts with acknowledging that you’re not just a PhD student, and you’re not just a Mama – you’re both, and so much more! You have the right to pursue your dreams without guilt. The key is understanding that while there’s time for everything, you can’t do everything simultaneously.
Give yourself permission to be present in whatever you’re doing at the moment. When you’re working on your PhD thesis, be there fully. When you’re with your children, immerse yourself in that time. This mindset shift doesn’t eliminate guilt entirely, but it makes it more manageable.
3. Time Fragmentation
Time is perhaps our most precious and limited resource as Scholarly Mamas. Unlike our colleagues without children, we often don’t have the luxury of long, uninterrupted hours for deep work. Instead, we’re working with fragments – those precious minutes during nap times, after bedtime, or between school drop-offs.
The secret isn’t necessarily time management; it’s time matching. This means:
- Understanding your personal energy rhythms
- Matching tasks to the time blocks you have available
- Making the most of those “stolen moments”
- Planning ahead to maximise your productive periods, family time and rest
If you know that you’re usually most alert in the morning, try to schedule your complex analytical or deep work then. Save lighter tasks for times when your energy naturally dips. Remember, consistency in using these small pockets of time often yields better results than waiting for that mythical “perfect” day of uninterrupted work.
4. The Comparison Trap
In today’s digital age, it’s all too easy to fall into the comparison trap. Seeing colleagues without children seemingly racing ahead, publishing millions of papers, and securing prestigious grants while you’re struggling to find time to read one article can be demoralising.
Here’s what we need to remember: your journey is uniquely yours. Those perfectly curated academic success stories on social media rarely show the struggles, setbacks, and challenges behind the scenes. When you find yourself falling into this trap, redirect your energy to your own progress and goals.
Focus on your “why” – the reason you started this PhD journey in the first place. Your path might look different from others, and that’s not just okay – it’s exactly as it should be. Consistency in following your own path will take you further than trying to replicate someone else’s journey.
5. The Mother of All Hidden Traps: The Superwoman Trap
Last in line of 5 hidden traps that Scholarly Mamas fall into is the ‘superwoman’ trap. The invisible mental load of being a Scholarly Mama is real and overwhelming. From research questions spinning in your head while making dinner to remembering school activities while writing your literature review, the constant background processing can be exhausting.
The key to managing this trap is radical acceptance of your current season. What works during one phase of your PhD journey might not work in another, and that’s perfectly fine. Being realistic about what you can achieve in your current season helps lighten the mental load and allows you to focus on consistent, sustainable progress rather than trying to do it all.
Consistency Over Perfection: Moving Forward Despite The Hidden Traps
These hidden traps aren’t your destiny – they’re patterns that can be interrupted and managed. The goal isn’t to overcome them completely (that’s an unrealistic expectation), but to develop strategies that help you move forward despite them.
Remember:
- Progress doesn’t require perfection
- Small, consistent steps forward add up
- Your journey is unique and valid
- Each season of academic motherhood brings its own challenges and opportunities
The path to completing your PhD while being a present Mama isn’t about being perfect – it’s about being intentional and purposeful. It’s about showing up day after day, making small progress, and giving yourself grace when things don’t go as planned.
Take it one day at a time, one trap at a time, one hurdle at a time. Focus on building sustainable habits and consistent practices that work for your unique situation. Because ultimately, it’s not about being the perfect academic or the perfect mother – it’s about being authentically you, pursuing your goals while honouring what matters most.
Remember, you don’t need to see the entire path to take the next step. Focus on consistency over perfection, and trust that each small step forward is bringing you closer to your goals.
Until next time, remember that these are your journeys of becoming…
Sending much love and gratitude your way,
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