Updated 17.4.23: With all the pressures upon us as Scholarly Mamas, it’s easy to forget that happiness is homemade. With so many competing priorities, it’s easy to put our happiness to the bottom of our priority list. And even when we actively seek our own happiness, we do so in all the wrong places. We look for external validation to make us happy. We rely on accolades, titles, and scholarly achievements to make us feel good about ourselves. But chasing shiny academic success with all the prestige in the world won’t give us happiness.
One thing I’ve learned on this scholarly Mama journey is that happiness is homemade.
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Every year around my birthday, I reflect on how life has changed since the last. Of all my birthdays, I think my 2020 birthday was probably the least celebrated of all, and yet the most special. As I celebrate a milestone birthday (my 40th) this month, I do so with gratitude for life and health. Today, I want to share with you some of the things that made my 2020 birthday the most special of all.
Now that we have on living in a post-pandemic phase, itās pretty safe to assume, if you’re reading or listening to this, that you experienced a couple of āpandemic birthdaysā.
So I want to take a moment here to reflect on what mine was like in 2020.
Birthday with a twist
It was a few weeks into the lockdown here in the UK due to COVID-19 in early 2020.
On so many levels, weād all been forced to adjust to the then āsocially-distancedā way of living.
As a friend of mine and I were discussing at the time, the world as we knew it just a few months prior, vanished. We were living with new ānormsā for the foreseeable future.
No doubt that this carried significant consequences for us all, physically, mentally, socially and financially.
It also forced us to think āoutside of the boxā a little more. Instead, it allowed space for creativity and innovation in the way we live.
My 2020 Lockdown Birthday was the perfect example of this.
As a family, we only ever dined out at restaurants on special occasions.
This was partly because we are making a conscious effort to be more frugal. Also, nothing generally beats a warm home-cooked meal in the comfort of home.
As a family, we love to create our own little traditions. So we and decided to go ahead and start a new one 6 months prior to the lockdown.
The person whose birthday it was, got the pleasure of deciding which restaurant we went to for dinner!
My husband and sons were all enjoying this new tradition for their birthdays. We were taking turns in predicting which restaurant we will be attending on the next personās birthday.
Traditions can be homemade too
The new tradition was well on its wayā¦ well, that was until COVID-19 arrived!
As COVID-19 took hold of the world, the reality of a āLockdown Birthdayā sunk in. It was pretty obvious that I was not going to be comparing restaurant menus for what I fancied. I surely wouldn’t be choosing any restaurant for the cuisine or ambiance I wanted for my birthday.
In light of this, we thought it would be a fun idea to create our very own restaurant experience at home instead!
This way, the new family tradition could still be preserved. The possibilities of the experience would be limited only by our imagination.
We could be as simple or elaborate as we wanted.
The boys were tasked with the job of deciding the menu so that we ensured we picked up all the ingredients on the next supermarket shop.
We ordered some simple Happy Birthday balloons on Amazon and got ready for the big day.
Every moment counts when happiness is homemade
When the big day finally arrived, it certainly did not disappoint!
I got up early for a 6am online conference in Australia but promptly crawled back into bed as soon as it was finished so that my boys didnāt miss the opportunity to deliver breakfast in bed as promised.
And boy did they deliver!
I enjoyed my amazing breakfast in bed, homemade and delivered by my husband and our boys. Yummy homemade heart-shaped waffles, veggie sausage, and fruit salad. This was alongside their beautiful homemade birthday card and wonderful origami birthday creations, made just for me.
I could see how much theyād poured their little hearts and souls into making everything so special for me.
They made everything from scratch (helped by daddy of course) and managed to carefully balance it all on a tray and bring upstairs to me in bed, freshly made with love.
My breakfast was delivered with smiles, cuddles and happy birthday greetings to just melt the heart. It was so special.
Homemade happiness with gratitude and purpose
I remember it well because at that time, we in the UK were allowed one outing per day as a household, for exercise. So we decided, as it was sunny out, to go for a family bike ride after breakfast!
Weāve done family scooter rides, bike rides, and walks too many times to count, but this day carried extra meaning and unique significance, especially as weād been having to spend so much time indoors due to the lockdown.
It was one of those ordinary experiences, yet one I wanted to cherish forever.
Not just because it was my birthday and I felt so blessed, but because the world was so full of uncertainty and painful stories of tragic losses due to COVID-19. This opportunity to cycle and spend quality time with my family simply could not be taken for granted.
I wanted to savour the moment and just hold onto it. It was a moment that reiterated, for me, that our scholarly Mama happiness is homemade.
As I took it all in, a deep sense of gratitude for the moment itself came over me. My responsibilities were great but my purpose was greater.
I could taste the freshness of spring in the air blowing gently over my face as I took each breath.
The beauty of the swans on the lake, caught my eye, as they looked after their young ones, shielding them from the potential danger of human onlookers.
Happiness with those you get to spend life with
Our older son and I cycled side by side, after I took up his invitation to have a short cycle race just between us. I could feel the blood flowing through my body in excitement. I could see the same was happening for him too!
Despite the unprecedented nature of the circumstances, I found myself imagining our sons much older and reflecting on this part of their childhoods. This sparked a renewed commitment to making this time as fun and memorable as possible for them.
I gazed on my husbandās beautiful brown eyes glistening in the sun and his gorgeous and timeless smile. We stopped briefly to share a few sips of water.
We have always been the best team and this time was no different. One thing we knew for sure was that our love was unshakable!
I simply cherished every moment and after what was a lovely time spent outdoors, we made our way back home together.
Homemade fine dining brought us happiness
Once Iād caught up on all the Happy Birthday messages and calls from friends and family abroad, we began our āall-hands-on-deckā birthday dinner preparations. These included cooking the food, hanging the birthday decorations and dressing the dining table.
When everything was ready, we got dressed up and made our way to our Homemade Restaurant… at our own dining table DOWNSTAIRS!
It was time for Mummyās ‘Lockdown Birthday’ Dinner.
You wouldn’t believe the excitement of dressing up to sit at our own dining table!
It was palpable!
Side effect of the lockdown? Probably!
With the table set and instrumental jazz music playing in the background for the ambiance, we began our starters. We each placed our orders from the specially printed Homemade Restaurant menus.
A homemade meal made with love
Drinks also arrived as well, and you guessed it…nothing but the finest fruit juice and water! We enjoyed those starters, restaurant style!
I could see just how excited the boys were as we took turns with the serving once the meals were ready.
Then it was time for the mains.
My husband and I opted for the mouth-watering āTropical Paradiseā dish while the boys went for the exquisite āTaste of Italianā option. Yes, you’d better believe we named our dishes for the occasion!
We ate and chatted over our in-house restaurant-style dinner and reflected on how weād somehow managed to create such an unforgettable experience.
The icing on the cake (literally) was the entry of the family homemade chocolate birthday cake, topped with a glowing Super Mario Brothers candle (chosen by the boys) and the sound of the most important people in my life lifting their voices to the tune of āHappy Birthday, Dear Mummyā.
It was so beautiful. It brought a tear to my eye ā what an unforgettable moment.
Mamas, remember that your joy and happiness are homemade!
Craft your own happiness from the ordinary
My entire 2020 birthday experience is forever ingrained in my memory and in my heart.
It required little financial outlay, and every bit of physical effort was enjoyed together and to the full.
The feedback from our sons on our ‘Homemade Restaurant’ was that it āwas the best restaurant ever!ā so I believe it touched them just as much as it did my husband and I!
As with most of our activities on this day, this reminds us that happiness is truly homemade and life is what we make it.
You don’t need to wait until you achieve this or that. There is no perfect timing. You donāt need to wait for the perfect anything.
Craft your happiness intentionally from your own imperfections, from the mundane, from the ordinary. Be purposeful in your thoughts and actions.
Don’t give in to the common assumptions and expectations of someone doing a PhD, because thatās only one part of your journeys of becoming!
The most memorable birthday yet
As I celebrate my milestone birthday this year, I still reflect on my 2020 āLockdown Birthdayā because I believe that the pandemic challenged us in more ways than we ever could have imagined.
It forced us to be more creative in our thinking, to come up with new ways of celebrating, communicating and showing appreciation for others.
Now looking back, we get to reflect on what really matters in this life.
As a Scholarly Mama, our happiness doesn’t depend on our academic accomplishments. We can also find happiness in the institutions of motherhood, family life and beyond.
Yes, doing a PhD with a young family presents its challenges.
I talk more about some of these here.
But we can refuel ourselves with these special moments that we create with our loved ones, and remind ourselves of our greater purpose on this earth.
Not only does this keep us motivated but also helps us to keep a healthy perspective when Scholarly Mama life is tough.
I am so proud to be the Mama of some truly amazing little boys, and to have the most wonderful husband to share this life with.
When there are low moments on these journeys of becoming, these are the things that I am most grateful for because these are the people in my life that deserve the best me!
These are my journeys of becoming and I chose to navigate them with purpose. Because happiness is homemade!
And as for my legendary āLockdown Birthdayā, ooooh, it was the most memorable one yet!
Over to You Mama
Do you remember how you spent your 2020 birthday?
How did it compare with your previous birthday celebrations or those since?
As a Scholarly Mama, how are you practicing homemade happiness?
Iād love to read your stories in the comments below.
Remember, these are our journeys of becoming!
With much love and gratitude,
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