What To Do When Your Best Doesn’t Feel Good Enough

Struggling with not feeling good enough lately? Recent failures or rejections making you feel like you don’t belong in academia?

We’ve all been there – staring at our phones at 3 AM between baby feeds, reading those five dreaded words: “We regret to inform you.” Whether it’s a journal rejection, a missed fellowship opportunity, or a promotion that went to someone else, that sinking feeling in your stomach is all too familiar to Scholarly Mamas.

Here’s the irony: While our toddlers proudly display their beautifully imperfect doodle masterpieces on the fridge, we’re beating ourselves up over manuscript revisions and conference presentations that didn’t quite hit the mark. When did we lose that beautiful, childlike confidence in our creative expressions?

By the way, if you prefer to listen to this as a podcast feel free to use the player below or tune into the Mrs Mummy PhD® podcast wherever you usually get your podcasts:

The Reality of Scholarly Motherhood

As Scholarly Mamas, we’re experts at juggling multiple roles. We can negotiate with a three-year-old about eating vegetables, manage research deadlines, and somehow keep it all together. Yet, when academic setbacks hit, they can feel absolutely devastating. We smile through school pickups while internally processing that rejection email, wondering if we’re really cut out for this academic journey.

But here’s what we need to remember: Being a work-in-progress isn’t just okay – it’s exactly where we’re supposed to be.

Transforming the “Not Good Enough” Narrative

When we don’t achieve the outcomes we desire, it’s tempting to fall into what I call the “not good enough” trap. We start questioning everything:

• Was my vision not good enough?
• Am I not qualified enough?
• Should I even be here?

These questions can feel especially heavy when we’re juggling the demands of motherhood alongside our academic pursuits. The truth is, these feelings of inadequacy don’t reflect reality – they’re just stories we tell ourselves during difficult moments.

The Hidden Opportunity in Academic Setbacks

What if we could flip this script entirely? Instead of viewing setbacks as evidence of our inadequacy, we could see them as stepping stones to growth. Here’s how we can reframe our thinking:

1. Transform “failure” into a “not yet” goal
2. Normalise being ‘in progress’
3. Look for the little wins along the way and celebrate them
4. Use setbacks as opportunities to refine our approach

Remember: Purpose is greater than prestige. Your worth isn’t determined by acceptance letters or positive review comments.

Finding Strength in the Journey: You ARE Good Enough!

The path of Scholarly Motherhood isn’t meant to be perfect – it’s meant to be purposeful. When you’re feeling overwhelmed by academic setbacks, consider these truths:

You’re More Than Your Academic Achievements

While publications and presentations matter, they don’t define your worth. Your impact extends far beyond your CV, especially to those little eyes watching you persist through challenges.

Progress Over Perfection

Sometimes, the most significant growth happens during the periods that feel like failures. Each revision, each rejection, each setback is building your resilience and expertise.

Community Matters

No Scholarly Mama should navigate this journey alone. Connecting with others who understand the unique challenges of balancing academia and motherhood can provide crucial support during difficult times.

Practical Steps Forward

When facing academic setbacks, try these approaches:

1. Allow yourself to feel: It’s okay to acknowledge the disappointment. Take time to process these emotions without judgment.
2. Reflect purposefully: Ask yourself: What can I learn from this experience? How can I approach things differently next time? What skills can I develop further?
3. Seek support: Whether through university counselling services, mentor relationships, or peer groups, don’t hesitate to reach out for help when needed.
4. Keep perspective: Remember that your academic journey is just one part of your story. Your value extends far beyond your scholarly achievements.

Embracing Your “Good Enough” Self

Here’s a truth bomb: You were enough before the PhD, you’re enough during this journey, and you’ll be enough regardless of any academic outcome. Your worth isn’t measured by:

• Acceptance letters
• Review comments
• Grant approvals
• Conference presentations

Instead, your worth lies in your inherent value as a person, a mother, and a scholar who’s brave enough to pursue big dreams while raising little ones.

Moving Forward with Purpose

The journey of Scholarly Motherhood isn’t about achieving perfection – it’s about persistent progress toward meaningful goals. When you face rejection or setbacks, remember:

• Your effort is never in vain
• Your impact won’t go unnoticed
• Your purpose is greater than any temporary setback

Conclusion: You ARE Good Enough!

To every Scholarly Mama who’s wondering if their best is good enough: Yes, you are. Your journey might not look exactly like you planned, but that doesn’t make it any less valuable or meaningful. Keep showing up, keep pursuing your goals, and keep believing in your capability to make a difference.

Remember, these are our journeys of becoming. They’re not meant to be perfect – they’re meant to be transformative. So the next time you face an academic setback, remind yourself that you’re not just good enough – you’re exactly where you need to be on your journey of growth and discovery.

Take whatever time you need to process disappointments, but don’t give up on yourself. Your purpose is greater than any temporary setback, and your impact extends far beyond the academy. Keep shining, Scholarly Mama – your light matters more than you know.

Until next time Mama, sending lots of love and gratitude your way because these are our journeys of becoming.

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