Seven years into my PhD journey, with three young sons and a mountain of unfinished work, I found myself at a breaking point. The weight of academic expectations, combined with the demands of motherhood, felt crushing. Today, I want to share my personal story of how I went from nearly quitting to winning an outstanding thesis prize when I finished my PhD – not because I’m special, but because I found a way to make my PhD work with my life, not against it.
By the way, if you would prefer to listen to this topic as a podcast, feel free to tune into the Mrs Mummy PhD® Podcast wherever you usually get your podcasts. Alternatively, feel free to use the player below:
The Reality of PhD Motherhood
Let me paint you a picture of where I was: I had just returned from my second maternity leave during my PhD (but with our third son, as our first was born before I started). The juggling act had exponentially increased. Every academic milestone felt impossible, and the feeling of “never being enough” – as a researcher, as a Mama, as a human being – was overwhelming.
I vividly remember sitting at my desk, my youngest sleeping beside me, staring at the scattered pieces of my PhD thesis. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking about finishing well – I was thinking about quitting altogether. The future I was beginning to imagine was one in which I never finished my PhD. And you know what? That’s a reality that many don’t talk about in academia, especially for Scholarly Mamas.
The Truth About the PhD Journey
Here’s something they don’t tell you when you embark on a PhD journey as a mother: it’s not linear. It’s messy, complicated, and sometimes the most significant progress happens when you’re at your lowest point – when you’re so close to giving up that you can taste it.
And let’s be clear: there’s nothing wrong with quitting if that’s what’s right for you. I’ve walked away from things in my life when I needed to, when they weren’t serving me anymore. But sometimes, what looks like a breaking point can become a turning point.
The Pivotal Moment As I Finished My PhD
What changed for me wasn’t finding more hours in the day (because let’s be honest, with three kids, those don’t exist). It was giving myself the space to really think through my options. I asked myself:
- Why did I begin this journey in the first place?
- Could I get creative with solutions?
- Was it really impossible, or did I just need a new strategy?
This reflection time became my lifeline. It wasn’t just about developing a thesis writing strategy – it was about reclaiming my identity. I needed to find a way to be unapologetically myself: a mama, a researcher, and a human being with limited time but infinite potential.
Finding a New Way Forward
What emerged from this period of reflection was what I now call “Operation PhD Thesis” – an approach that helped me work with my life circumstances rather than against them. This wasn’t about pushing harder or sacrificing more. Instead, it was about:
- Giving myself permission to be present in all aspects of my life
- Creating sustainable habits that could carry me through to completion
- Finding ways to engage with my research that brought joy rather than dread
- Building systems that worked within the constraints of motherhood
The Results: More Than Just a Prize
Fast forward to today, and that strategy helped me win an outstanding thesis prize. But here’s the thing – it wasn’t because I had unlimited time (I definitely didn’t), or because my research was groundbreaking. It was because I found a way to make it work with my life.
The prize was wonderful, but the real victory was finishing my PhD in a way that didn’t require sacrificing what mattered most to me. I learned that success in academia doesn’t have to come at the cost of being present for your family or taking care of yourself.
Key Lessons Learned As I Finished My PhD
Throughout this journey, I discovered several crucial truths:
- The traditional academic approach isn’t always compatible with motherhood – and that’s okay. We can create our own path.
- Sometimes the closest you come to quitting becomes the catalyst for your greatest transformation.
- Success isn’t about having more time; it’s about working smarter within the time you have.
- Community and support are essential – we don’t have to do this alone.
A Message for Other Scholarly Mamas
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or wondering if you can complete your PhD while being a present mother, I want you to know something: you can do this. It is possible if it’s what you truly want.
The key is finding strategies that work with your life, not against it. This might mean:
- Rethinking traditional academic workflows
- Creating boundaries that protect both your research time and family time
- Building sustainable habits that can carry you through the tough periods
- Finding or creating a community that understands your unique challenges
Moving Forward
The journey from overwhelmed to award-winning wasn’t straightforward, but it taught me something invaluable: there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to completing a PhD, especially as a mother. What matters is finding your own path – one that honours both your academic ambitions and your role as a mother.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to finish your PhD – it’s to finish well, in a way that feels authentic to you and your values. It’s about creating a journey that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside.
Whether you’re just starting your PhD journey or, like I was, seven years in and considering quitting, know that it’s possible to transform your experience from one of overwhelm to one of purposeful success. The path might look different than you imagined, but sometimes that’s exactly what we need to reach our destination.
Your journey of becoming a PhD doctor doesn’t have to come at the cost of being the mother you want to be. With the right strategy, support, and mindset, you can create a path that works for you and your family.
If you want to write your first or next 10, 000 words of your PhD thesis in 8 weeks without sacrificing what matters, jump onto the waitlist of my Scholarly Mamas® OPT programme and secure your seat in our next cohort starting soon.
Until then Mama, remember that these are our journeys of becoming!
Sending much love and gratitude,
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