Updated 16.6.24: As the world prepares to celebrate Father’s Day, I dedicate this special blog post to my Dad, whose fatherhood has had a profound impact on who I am today and who I am becoming in my own motherhood journey.
If you prefer to listen to this blog post as a podcast, feel free to tune in using the player below:
Celebrating a Long Distanced Father’s Day
It’s hard when Father’s Day comes around each year and I’m not able to just visit my Dad and spend time with him, hug him or enjoy seeing him play and interact with our boys (his grandsons) in the flesh.
This is what it’s like living in another country away from one’s close family.
Oh, how I wish we could just go out for a meal and spend time together on Father’s Day.
Perhaps this is why we don’t wait for Father’s Day to celebrate our close relationship.
We try to seize every opportunity for connection, albeit long distance. Despite us living in different countries now that I’m an adult, my dad’s fatherhood journey continues to teach me so much about my own motherhood and here’s why.
His Fatherhood, My Childhood: An Unbreakable Bond
My Dad took on the responsibility of raising me on his own when I was 9 years old.
I’d previously lived with both my parents but sadly divorce separated our family. However, as difficult as it was to process this as a child at the time, I’ve come to accept as an adult that in the end, all things work together for the good.
The relationship I have with my Dad has always been a very special one.
We’ve always had an unbreakable bond.
One of my fondest childhood memories is still that rock garden my Dad and I built together in a little woodland area at the back of our home. I was probably about 4-years old then.
I can still visualise that little rock garden, an early opportunity to express myself creatively.
That memory of creating something with my Dad as our own collaborative little project, strongly competes with so many other fond memories forever etched in my heart. My childhood was full of other wonderful moments with my Dad just like these, infused with so many sacrifices which he made to give me the best opportunities in life that he could.
I know it wasn’t easy for him. Unlike me, my Dad only completed his secondary school education.
So I am sure he didn’t always have the answers to my young, questioning mind, but the stability and fortitude with which he fathered, shaped my life in ways I could hardly put words to.
Having my Dad walk me down the aisle to marry my husband and soul mate over 17 years ago, was a special moment for us both.
Not only did this trigger the start of a new chapter in our father-daughter relationship, but it officially marked the beginning of his cherished Dad-in-law journey too.
My Dad embraced my husband as his son-in-law after we’d lost my husband’s dad tragically years earlier.
How he welcomed my husband into our family with open arms is something I’ll never be able to show my true appreciation to him for.
My husband and I are forever grateful for the love, respect and acceptance he’s shown to us both as a married couple.
And when he became a grandfather to our three boys, his all encompassing love simply extended to them too, showing them the same care he’d shown me as a child and the only kind of love he knows – the deep, love-in-action kind.
It’s so beautiful to witness.
So this Father’s Day, when I think about my Dad, I can’t help but give thanks for the childhood he gave to me through his own journey of fatherhood and appreciate what that teaches me about my own motherhood.
4 Things His Fatherhood Taught Me About Being a Mum
I know it sounds odd to say my Dad taught me lessons about motherhood, but here I want to reflect on 4 things he taught me about being a Mum.
1. Love is a verb
At the core of parenthood is love. As they say, all love begins and ends there.
One important lesson my Dad taught me though, is that love is a verb. It’s not just a cute word to be thrown around without purpose.
Love hopes. It never fades. Love acts. It serves.
Throughout my life, my Dad has not only taught but demonstrated to me the importance of showing love and compassion for others through service.
He is a giver at heart. My Dad sees the world through lenses which are graciously tinted with love, gratitude and content.
He’s the one who always tries to see the best in people, giving the benefit of the doubt wherever possible.
With his selfless attitude, he always seeks opportunities to use his talents and resources to help others. He’d give you the shirt off his back if he believed it would help you.
You may think this is because he has a lot to give but quite the opposite is true.
Despite having very little, he jumps at every opportunity to give and help others without asking for anything in return or expecting any recognition for what he’s done for them.
For him, the joy is in the act of giving itself. For him, love is an action word.
As a Mum, I also want to demonstrate to my sons that joy comes from helping others and living a life of gratitude and service.
I want to do this through love in action, the kind of love my Dad showed me.
But I want to teach them how to love and be kind to themselves too.
2. It’s okay to be vulnerable
The fatherly love my Dad exemplified and continues to this day, he lays bare.
There’s no hiding his emotional realness and depth and he’s never been afraid to express these.
He would always communicate his love openly and wasn’t afraid to be emotional about it.
This allowed me to see and appreciate that vulnerability is part of his love language and mine. And that it was okay to love hard and be unashamed of it.
It also facilitated my emotional awareness and expression, as well as the importance of prioritising my emotional wellness.
I thank him for fathering me with both humility and fortitude. This has shown me that strength and vulnerability can coexist in Motherhood too.
3. Love can be unconditional and adaptable
What really amazes me about my Dad, is that despite not having done fatherhood before having me, he figured out exactly how his approach needed to evolve as I grew older.
Parenting a 9-year old who needs love, affection and guidance is very different from parenting a young adult with support and respect. Especially one who has her own ideas about the kind of woman she wanted to become. As a grown adult now, our relationship has grown into a great friendship.
His fatherhood evolved and adapted with such grace and ease. This transition allowed me to appreciate my own self worth and value as I became a young adult.
I held my dad in such high esteem. I never wanted to disappoint him, but he showed me that his love was both unconditional and adaptable.
He gave me the freedom to figure myself out.
To make ‘mistakes’ along the way and learn from them. Or to change paths and pursue new dreams and ventures with his unwavering support.
I had the reassurance that he’d always be there even if I failed, without forcing his own ideas and expectations onto my life.
My Dad respected my choices and allowed me the opportunity to live unapologetically.
He didn’t have many sound examples of modern fatherhood himself. Nor did he have anyone to share the majority of his parenthood journey with.
Nevertheless, he did the best he could and for that, I will always be proud.
Did he always know what he was doing when raising me? No.
Did he have to learn by trial and error sometimes? Yes.
But I am so proud of him and grateful for his role and contribution to the woman I am today.
Now as a Mum myself, I want to continue to strengthen the tight bonds I have with my sons. I want to make sure I adapt my role as needed when they enter their own adulthood.
4. Love is intentional
My Dad taught me to how be intentional as a parent.
Lots of hugs and cuddles, quality time and fun. No room for assumptions. No doubts.
He made sure that I always knew how important I was to him. I always felt safe, special and loved.
My dad was intentional about giving me stability in my childhood and was a pillar of support throughout the years.
He would go out of his way to make time for fun, play and creative freedom when I was a child. As I grew into my teenage years, he became a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.
I always felt at the forefront of his decisions, you know, his priority.
Work and his other commitments were secondary to ensuring that I felt safe and loved always.
Like my Dad did for me, I also want to parent with consistency and intention, ensuring that my sons always feel happy, safe and important.
I am committed to building individual relationships with all three of my sons that are nurturing and fulfilling, both for them and for me.
How To Celebrate His Fatherhood From a Distance This Father’s Day
If you’re like me and celebrating your Dad from a distance this Father’s Day, here are a few ideas for how you can still show Dad some love:
- Give him a Father’s Day call and reminisce together about old times
- Record and send a creative Father’s Day video message
- Make a collage of old photos
- Write a heartfelt poem for Dad
- Share a virtual meal with him on Zoom
If your dad is a sentimental guy like mine, he’ll appreciate your effort to celebrate him on Father’s Day, even though it’s from a distance.
Conclusion
On this Father’s Day, I am grateful for my Dad and all that his fatherhood has taught me about my own motherhood journey.
I wanted to use this opportunity as the world places the spotlight on fathers today to take a moment to illuminate my own Dad.
My husband, our boys and I are so blessed to have a Dad-in-law, Grandad and Dad like him.
He’s one of a kind who deserves all the accolades but paradoxically expects none.
Over to You
Do you know someone like my Dad?
Someone who puts in the hard work each day to fulfil such an important role. Not one that was simply forced upon them, but one they’ve accepted without obligation.
Their role is so crucial in our society today so I invite you to join me in showing them some love and appreciation for simply being the Dad that they are.
Feel free to share this post and let them know you think the same (or more) of them.
Why not let me know in comments how their Fatherhood journey has shaped you? I’d love to hear more inspiring Fatherhood stories this Father’s Day and beyond.
With gratitude and love,
[…] been a great start to the New Year 2022 so far as we have been enjoying time with my Dad who has been visiting us for the Christmas […]