Updated 23/7/23: Coming from a small Caribbean island, and growing up with very little, you naturally aspire to become successful in life.
It was ingrained in our young, innocent minds, from family to school, to society at large.
This rhetoric was everywhere.
But what does it actually mean to become successful in life?
Was this bit just left to the imagination then?
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Sadly, there were some unspoken rules about what classed one as successful (in society’s eyes at least). Then, there was the pressure to reach these benchmarks or risk being deemed a failure.
Perhaps this explains why I have such a love-hate relationship with “success”. You can get to know me here.
If you’ve been reading my blog from the start, you’d know that this word carries a lot of significance for me.
No, I am not obsessed with accomplishment (hey, this Mama is a recovering overachiever and unashamed to admit it!). Rather, I have been putting in the work to shift my mindset about how I perceive success.
So, as we explore the 5 key things you need to start doing right now in order to become successful in life, perhaps that’s where this blog post will begin… with a definition, of sorts.
Actually, before we get into it, I would like you to pause for a few moments and think about your answer to this question: When you hear the word “success”, what comes to mind?
Money?
Wealth?
Accolades?
Power?
Prestige?
Academic accomplishments?
Material possessions?
Car?
House?
Luxury holidays?
A life of leisure?
Think about it…
How often do we get caught up in these external and societal definitions of success?
For Scholarly Mamas like us, this applies not only to our academic and career journeys but also to our love relationships and to motherhood too!
We measure ourselves against these artificial social parameters and compare our progress towards achieving them with how we perceive others around us to be getting on.
Perhaps we even internalise them and they become our goals and ambitions in life.
Then, when we fall short, we are left feeling overwhelmed and defeated.
So before we go any further, let’s check out the dictionary’s definition of “success”.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, success is the achievement of wealth, favour or eminence. It also describes success as a desired or favourable outcome.
However, the Cambridge Dictionary defines success as achieving the results one hoped for.
So, while society makes us think about success in a way that encourages us to chase after money, material possessions, fame, accolades and perfection, when we look at this a bit deeper, we see that the root of this mindset has some shaky foundations.
So now that we agree that society’s perceptions of success cannot simply be superimposed into our lives, here are the key 5 things you need to do now to live a successful life.
1. Define what success means to you personally
Success, Mama, is yours to define and yours to achieve in whatever way is meaningful for you.
If it means starting and finishing each day with peace of mind, then so be it!
For you, it may mean chasing after your dreams like no one’s watching, so be it!
If putting your priorities in an unpopular order by society’s standards works for you, then so be it.
As long as your definition of success doesn’t get you caught up in anything unlawful or harmful to yourself or others, what matters is that you achieve the outcomes you want and the goals you set for yourself.
I remember when I came to this realisation.
The realisation was that this was my life but I was actually living it in the shadows of others’ expectations and their definitions of success rather than mine. I remember thinking to myself… ‘if I lost everyone and everything that mattered to me right now (scary thought, and not one I wish to entertain ever again) would I be happy living in my own skin? Would I be happy to be me, did I even know who I was anyway?’
The answers to these questions were even scarier than the thought of losing it all.
I needed to assess my why and gain clarity on what I really wanted out of life. One thing I became pretty clear about after that was that I was going to focus on doing the things that would help me create the life I wanted for myself.
So, before you spend every ounce of your energy on that degree, pursuing that qualification, starting up that business, that investment, getting that promotion or that new job, buying that new house or car, take some time to work out whether you are chasing your own definitions of success or someone else’s dreams for you.
Decide what success means to you and go after that.
2. Change your attitude toward life if you want to achieve success
Having a positive attitude is one of the most important factors that contribute to any notion of success. While it is not easy to change your attitude, you can do it.
It is important to start with small steps in order to make a difference. When you take this one-baby step-at-a-time approach, you are able to not only boost your motivation but will allow time to reflect on how far you’ve come on your journeys of becoming.
I remember when I failed my first driving test. As a young 16-year-old version of myself at the time, I can’t remember ever failing at anything… until that day.
I felt a heavy cloud of guilt and shame, that after many months (maybe even years) of practice, it ended in an epic fail and nothing to show for it.
Breaking the news to everyone that I’d failed my test was even more painful and humiliating.
A few weeks later, after many more evenings of practice after school, I went back to face that practical test for a second time.
But this second time around, I didn’t just approach the test with complacency.
Unlike others who were on their first go, I had way more at stake.
So I went in there with renewed confidence and self-belief fuelled by a firm determination to prove to my assessor (and to myself) that I was a good driver.
And I don’t mean in an arrogant kind of way either, but in a self-affirming way because I knew I could do it.
My dad was teaching me to drive for what felt like forever, so I was quietly confident. But on that retake, I was bold about it.
Perhaps I couldn’t bear to announce to my family and friends that I’d failed again (haha).
But whatever the source of my motivation (no judgement please), I changed my attitude towards this test.
Rather than beating myself up about my prior failure, I focussed on the lessons learned from that first experience and the new challenge before me.
In other words, I embraced my failure.
I also prepared myself for the possibility that I could fail again, but if I did, it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
This new mindset got me through that second test and guess what?
I passed.
But I will never forget the grit that experiencing failure gave me and the grace I gave myself to face it again.
Grit and grace, Mama.
Remember that it’s not what happens to you, it’s what you do with what happens that matters most. Your thoughts are not reality. You can acknowledge them, and then change them.
So tap into your resilient self and remember that you have it within you to overcome any challenge that comes your way.
Every experience (good or bad) is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Remember that this is your life and you have the power to make good decisions for yourself.
With the right mindset, I know the sky will be the limit for you!
3. Don’t define a successful life based on what’s trending
This one goes without saying (I hope) but don’t be fooled by public displays of success on social media. The flashy cars, the big houses, the perfect photos, flawless hair and bodies on display.
Oftentimes, they have the same struggles you do, they just chose not to share them.
So focus on becoming your authentic self, with your own voice, your own goals and your own definition of success.
This is how you become successful in life.
As a social media dinosaur, I was late to the party. I didn’t even have a personal Instagram page before starting my blog!
So it was a steep learning curve.
But one benefit of this is that by the time I started using social media, I knew who I was, and I was affirmed in my values and my core beliefs. So I am not swayed one way or another by what I see on there or what’s trending.
I am happy being 100% me.
For me, becoming purposefully whole remains the goal and this is what success entails for me.
4. Set goals for the future that are appropriate to your current situation today, so that you can stay motivated on the way to your own success
In order to keep on track with your goals, you need to know where you are right now.
The only way to stay motivated is to create the right amount of time and space for yourself.
One of the most common reasons for setting goals is that people want a sense of accomplishment. They want to feel like they are making progress in their lives and this will help them stay motivated.
But you need to be realistic when it comes to your goals.
If you are looking for a simple, printable planner to help you put your SMART goals to paper, check out my FREE MMPhD Planner below!
So talking about making sure goals are realistic, here’s one classic example.
If you have young children and are working as well, then it may not be realistic for you to pursue your PhD full-time.
It may be more helpful to take more gradual steps towards achieving your goal of getting your PhD.
This was my approach to my PhD and while it may not be for everyone, it’s what worked for me.
Doing my PhD part-time while raising my family allowed me to enjoy my life outside of my PhD while still pursuing my scholarly goals.
If you take this approach, the trade-off here might be that you take longer to complete your PhD, but that’s okay because you’ll still be achieving the outcomes you wanted for yourself, albeit at a more gradual pace.
Once you have set your goals, write them down somewhere so that you can see them every day (download this FREE MMPhD planner).
If your goal is to finish your PhD and pursue an academic career, then write it down and place it on a mirror or in a place where you will see it often.
If your goal is to give your PhD meaning beyond academia, then write that down too!
I suggest writing your goals down because it helps you to not lose sight of the big picture on those really hard days.
Whatever your goals, keep them realistic so that the strategy for achieving them remains sustainable.
You can’t set unrealistic goals and expect to be able to achieve them overnight.
Baby steps will get you much closer to your goals than massive, unachievable targets that merely look nice on paper.
Forget the aesthetics and acoustics of your goals and think practically and sustainably based on your present circumstances.
Now, with this in mind Mama, what’s holding you back?
5. Be prepared to write your own success story if you want to become successful in life
We all know by this point, that there is no one way to define success. But, we can all agree that there are some things in life which are universally desired.
These include happiness and authenticity.
A successful life is not just about being rich or having a high-paying job.
It is about finding the balance between what you want to do with your life and what you need to do in order to live a healthy and happy life. It is about finding your unique voice and following it without shame or fear of judgement.
Fundamentally, it’s about taking responsibility for writing your own success story.
Having given this blog post some deep thought, I realised that “successful” people share a few things in common:
- They have a strong sense of who they are and what they want to do with their lives.
- These people understand that their values have an impact on who they become as a person.
- They know what makes them happy and are not afraid to pursue that happiness.
- These individuals take care of themselves and are not afraid to say no.
- They are responsible for their time and money and use them wisely.
- Successful people know how to ask for help when they need it.
- They follow their dreams even when it takes a long time and is not easy.
- These are the kinds of people who understand that sometimes the smallest step can have a huge result in life!
So taking all of these points together, it tells me that if we want to live a successful life, we have to take ownership and reclaim our own path thereto, with intention.
We can all do this by writing daily paragraphs of our own success stories.
Remember that you are the author of your story and must not sit back passively and allow other people’s ideals and judgements to dim your light.
You were not given a spirit of fear Mama, so let’s get those blank pages ready and begin writing the next chapter!
Let nothing hold you back!
My final thoughts on what it means to become successful in life
As we’ve explored, success is often defined by society according to what fame or fortune someone has accomplished or achieved.
But truthfully, what defines success varies from person to person.
In your academic circles, many of your colleagues may perceive success as the number of scholarly titles they carry, or even how many academic achievements they have gained, while others may not attribute their success in life to any of those things at all.
The truth is that in order to be successful, we need to know our own definition of success and work towards achieving it.
We don’t have to wait for someone to bestow success upon us by their own standards. We should take charge and try our best to make our own way forward and follow through with our goals.
The challenge is that a lot of people don’t even know what their goals are, to begin with. So it’s important to get clarity on those before labelling ourselves as unsuccessful.
Nope, we’re not claiming that negativity so easily around here!
Bonus tips
In summary, there are many paths to success and it’s up to you to find your own way, but there are some tips that can be followed in order to become successful.
First, have a goal and an actual plan on how you will reach it. This may entail working hard in the present and not being afraid of setbacks or failures.
The second is to surround yourself with positive people, who will support your goals and keep your mind on the positive. We’ve established that mindset is everything. The company we keep can make all the difference to our mindset.
The third and most important one is to understand that success isn’t a destination, but rather a journey with many steps on which you are learning along the way.
Over to you!
I hope you found this blog post useful. If you have, why not share it with another Mama to encourage her?
In the comments below, let me know if your definition of success has changed over the years. How has it changed and why?
Remember Mama, these are our journeys of becoming!
With much love and gratitude,
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